Sunday 1 March 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Isaac Newton

It is strange to think that one of the most famous events in human history could have turned out very differently if i had decided to sit on a chair on the patio instead of under an apple tree but when that piece of fruit bounced off my noggin, it set in train a chain of events that would revolutionise our thinking. 
It didn't revolutionise anything in the Church though who held fast to the notion that when it came to the secrets of the Universe, everything in it had its natural God-given place.
I set out calculations to prove Gravity, reliably predicting when comets would appear by working out the exact speed and acceleration of an object in space and just for kicks, using the Book of Ezekiel, worked out the date of the second coming which i predicted would be in 1948 but also worked out that because the number of people who believed in Jesus was diminishing, he'd have to come back before the year 3150 as by then there would only be one person left who still believed in him at all.
A lot of people were not knocked over by my theory of gravity, invisible forces pulling the planets was apparently more nutty than a man in the clouds nobody had ever seen making the Universe in 6 days but to stray from that theory was apparently messing with God's will as it was God who was mysteriously moving things around.
My greatest feat was scoring an enormous victory over the Church but my regret was not going up to the Pope and shouting in his face 'My proof is accurate predictions of comets, orbits and planets whereas yours is the odd appearance of Jesus on a piece of toast', sucker.

No comments: