Monday 16 March 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Spartacus

The Slaves v Lions thing was never fair which is why i revolted, i mean that's hardly very sporting is it and as i was the biggest and best fighter i was made the slaves trainer so i was always onto a loser.
Before every fight i would give a pep talk and tell them avoid any injuries especially in the opening minutes, having your leg chewed off will definitely affect your pace and you really need to stay calm and you don't want to lose your head, so many heads bitten clean off and chalk up another convincing victory to the Lions.
You do have to hand it to the Lions, every day they ripped us to pieces, there was an arm here and a leg there, i was gutted after every contest but not as much as them obviously unless the rulers got hold of me if i had hung around Rome after the slave uprising so i ran off and me and 70 of my friends hid out on Mount Vesuvius and recruited other slaves, herdsmen and shepherds to make an army of 40,000 and kept at bay the hordes of legionnaires sent to kill us.
All was going well until Marcus Licinius Crassus and his army became involved, that guy was a nutter and would kill one of every ten of his own soldiers if they didn't win a battle so we were routed and i was killed and 6,000 survivors of the revolt captured by the legions of Crassus were crucified, lining the route all the way back to Rome.
While my uprising was ultimately crushed my name lives on especially with East European Football Teams naming themselves Spartak something or other and Kirk Douglas played me in a film but outside the Louvre is a huge, naked statue of me but all i can say it must have been very, very cold that day or the sculptor ran out of marble for that certain, important bit.

No comments: