Special Guest Blogger: Lillie Langtry

Every woman has a type, some women have more than one but my type was filthy rich so while hard work, practice and patience are all nice things, occasionally being beautiful and having a nice arse and a decent rack will do just as well.
I was born in Jersey and was blessed with a natural beauty, i had men proposing to me from the age of 14 but at 16 i thought it was about time i started seriously planning for the future. Time to grow up, identify prudent investment opportunities and build a portfolio so i set off to the big city to snare a wealthy husband but i actually found one in Jersey, Edward Langtry, and just six weeks after meeting his cheque book, we got wed and moved to Southampton and then London.
Despite all the glamouras and expensive dresses Ed could afford, the High Society eluded me until my brother died and in mourning i took to wearing plain black dresses which stood out more than all the glitzy ball gowns at the toff events and i was asked to model for artists and my fame grew and i came under the wandering eye of Queen Victoria’s own son, the Prince of Wales, Albert Edward, AKA the future-King of England who was married, didn't care that i was also married and invited me and my husband to an event, flirted with me and one thing led to another, and before i know it, left my husband at the bar as we found all kinds of uses for the royal furniture.
My husband took to drinking heavily afterwards as i became the not so secret King's mistress but the association with the future ruler got me invites to meet some of the most important people in London but after three years, Albert moved onto introducing his penis to French actress Sarah Bernhardt and our affair fizzled out but i had already moved onto Prince Louis of Battenberg in a short, sharp whirlwind affair which left me pregnant so i moved to Paris and fudged the dates to make it seem like my husband was the father but even he knew how to use a calendar and we separated.
I gave birth to a daughter, left her with my folks back in Jersey and returned to London where i met Oscar Wilde who got me a job as an actress and my old beau, the Prince of Wales, attended my performances and where the prince went, crowds followed, and i got enough fame to try and crack America and ended up cracking the incredibly wealthy Frederick Gebhard and we lived the high life and i owned yachts and racehorses through which i met George Alexander Baird, who obviously, i began an affair with but he died of pneumonia so i settled down with Sir Hugo de Bathe, a man 19 years my junior. He was, as you may have guessed, just my type, flush with cash, which worked well and i lived the high life until i died of bronchitis aged 75 but my legacy will always be that quote to Prince Edward that when he complained 'I've spent enough on you to build a battleship," my clever yet disgusting response was "And you've spent enough in me to float one'. Classy.