Wednesday, 12 March 2008

Making Britain Proud

Our Prime Minister Gordon Brown does seem to have a bee in his bonnet recently about defining what it means to be British. After bandying ideas around about a new flag, national anthem and a new Britain Day holiday, his latest
wheeze is to get us Britishers to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen, or maybe the flag or failing that, just plain swear an oath to Britain as long as something oathful is sworn at.
Maybe Gordon is looking at this the wrong way and rather than getting peoples backs up by asking us to swear loyalty to the Germans in Buckingham Palace, we should be directing it at things that we can relate to.
To this end i hereby present an oath that sets out to reflect those fine British politicians that rule over us.

I swear by almighty God/Allah/Buddha/L Ron Hubbard that I will follow the example of those that rule over us. I will inflict authoritarian laws under the guise of anti-terrorism while ignoring whatever laws I choose, avoid paying
taxes whenever possible and seek to grab as much expense money for myself and my family as possible.
I promise to screw over anyone who earns less than myself and toady up to anyone who earns a salary with 6 figures or owns a right wing newspaper.
I will join neo-con American Presidents declaring war against whoever we don't like and lie to justify it just as i will lie when caught with my hands in the till or on a prostitue.
If anyone votes for me based on the policies I set before them prior to an election, i will ignore all ones that prove inconvenient afterwards.
I will not sell weapons to any regime i think will use them irresponsibly unless they buy them in bulk or Saudi Arabia tells me to.
By the power vested in me, i know pronounce myself British.

You can borrow this Gordon but if you want to use it you will have to pay me an extortionate amount of money. I have a petrol tank that needs filling.


David G said...

Satire is a powerful tool when well done. You do it well, Lucy!

Hypocrisy and politicians go hand in hand.

Anonymous said...


I bet he doesn't use it, or even any part of it.


Anonymous said...

Another great post Lucy - many a true word is spoken in jest.

The Fez Monkey said...

Sounds to me like old Gordo wants to institute a sort of pseudo-fascist loyalty oath upon your land.

You know, something you're compelled to recite every day in a hysterical fit of patriotic fervor. Something with rigid doctrines about behavior, posture, and the like. Something for your children to repeat over and over in a form of subtle indoctrination. Something where you swear your undying and unquestioning loyalty and gratitude to God, Queen and Country.

Maybe you could call it the Pledge of Allegiance.

Yeah, that would be good. It would make you people more .... American.

Ook ook

Jefe said...

I thought you already had an oath: "Lie back and think of England."

Ookami Snow said...

They are talking about a new British flag?