Tuesday, 18 March 2008

Dangerous Beatle Alert

Authorities have warned the public to be on the lookout for a strange individual as they go about there business this evening.
Police have contacted all the media outlets to ask for co-operation in the hunt for a miserable looking pensioner who has been terrorising the music charts since the 1970's and was last seen muttering complaints in scouse about "one legged trollops" while perusing the hair dye section of a local Supermarket.
Police warn that he is believed to be deeply unstable, and may be sporting a dazed expression.
Members of the public are advised to keep their distance, and not under any circumstances approach the man with a pen and paper and say: "Mr McCartney, could I have your autograph please?"
Chief Inspector Frank Drebbin of Scotland Yard explained in a hastily convened press conference that: "This man is clearly extremely angry, and should not be approached until something happens to cheer him up. Anyone who sees him is advised to smile politely and back away slowly. If he starts singing, wave your hands in the air and make yourself look big. Failing that, kick him in the nuts."
"Our biggest fear" said a record executive "is that now he will now concentrate on creating more music and nobody with a working set of ears wants that."
Police have already conducted searches in the usual places that washed up singers hang out but raids at the Gallagher brothers house didn't turn up any leads.
"Consider him armed and dangerous" warned the Chief Inspector, "he was carrying a copy of single "The Girl Is Mine" when last spotted."
Hey, let's be careful out there.

8 comments:

Dismal Soyanz said...

Ah but wasn't that judgment just delicious. Better than a year's subscription to New Idea!

David G said...

I feel sorry for the poor child who came into this farcical 'marriage'!

And Paul should retire gracefully. He can still afford it!

Cheezy said...

"I feel sorry for the poor child"...

Richest poor child I ever saw! I take your point though - having a mum who's a complete nutcase (as well as someone who will lie for money - nasty) will be Beatrice's main problem.

Jodie K said...

Having seen Sir Paul in concert (for the third time??) just back in 2005, regardless of age, relevancy, whatever, he puts on an amazing show. One of the best in the business hands down. And his last album, “Memory Almost Full”, really, really well done. He’s still got a bit in him.

As for this whole settlement kerfluffle, Mills got a sliver, an incredibly low amount, really, because she shot herself in her one good foot with nutty behavior. Now she needs to stop speaking. No matter what she does, she will never be liked, and she’s trying so hard, she wants to be sooooo, soooo liked and admired. Not gonna happen

Funniest thing I read in the settlement papers, in which she was justifying her request for $125 million or so, was the statement, “She seeks an award commensurate with being the wife of, and the mother of the child of, an icon.” Cha-ching…

Anonymous said...

One should be able to get by on $50 million U.S.

Here she is usually label "philanthropist". She should now be able to give away or say $45 million and be able to survive on $5 million. Right?

Q

PS - cheese, I got a little edgy on this. did I go too far?

Lucy said...

I lost interest in the Mill's V MaCartney divorce a while back. I have no love for her because she is only interested in getting as much money out of it she can and i dislike him for The Frog Chorus song.
I did laugh though when she tried to get the court report kept private 'for the sake of her child' and it turned out it was because she was dismissed by the judge as a lying fantasist.

David G said...

Perhaps she's got a big future writing Harry Potter-type books, Lucy, being a fantasist and all?

Cheers.

Cheezy said...

"cheese, I got a little edgy on this. did I go too far?"

Probably Heather thinks so, but it was good for me, my friend.

I'll watch how you go though ;)