I would be the first to admit that I don't know my Asiah from my El-Beth when it comes to the Bible but everyone knows the story of the seven deadly sins.
Thoughtfully, those good sports at the Vatican have updated the list of cardinal sins for the 21st Century so out go Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy and Pride and in come some shiny new things that threaten us with eternal damnation.
On closer inspection of the regulations governing our descent into hell if we commit any of the following, our trip into the fiery depths can be avoided by simply confessing it so if you plan to do any of these following sins, just make an appointment with your local priest for the following day and you are covered. So what have the Vatican made a sin now?
First up is: "thou shalt not pollute the earth." Good start and the executives of Shell, BP and Exxon had better find a priest pretty sharpish.
Next is: "thou shalt not perform genetic manipulation." We are looking at you those farmers who continue to trial genetically modified food in your fields.
Third of the seven is "thou shalt not accumulate excessive wealth." Lets peek at the Vatican's bank balance so we can get an idea of what it thinks is an excessive amount of wealth to have. The Vatican has assets of £2b you say. I think most of us may just scrape in under that.
Fourth new sin is: "thou shalt not inflict poverty." Catholics priests are that-a-way executives of Nike, Gap & Levi.
Coming in at number five is: "Thou shalt not traffic drugs." Makes sense.
At six is "thou shalt not perform morally debatable experiments." Like experimenting with covering the tracks of priestly paedophiles and then slandering the victims?
Finally we have "thou shalt not violate the fundamental rights of human nature". Pay attention Tony and George, the Pope is pointing you towards the down escalator. Say hi to Beelzebub for us.
So there you go, follow those seven and you will be peachy although i would like to see Brad Pitt make a movie with this line up.