Millwall Football Club are so disliked by everyone else that they have a song celebrating that they are so disliked by everyone. After finishing last yet again in the Eurovision song contest last night it should be Britain singing 'Nobody likes us but we don't care' because either we are so utter bobbins when it comes to writing a tune or we are just about as popular as a condom in the Vatican with our fellow Europeans.
To be fair our song was rubbish which is ironic as the singer, Andy Abraham, was a binman before wasting his career on this dross but ours was Bohemian Rhapsody compared to some of the offerings from other countries. Spain put forward a guy playing a kids plastic guitar and they trounced us and if it wasn't for San Marino and Ireland, we wouldn't have got any points whatsoever.
The reason we have a fine record of finishing bottom or close to it every year is because, and it is hard to believe i know, but we have no close friends in Europe. All the Scandinavian countries gave each other top marks as did the Balkans and former Soviet nations and of our nearest neighbours in the West, only Ireland bothered to take pity on us floundering at the bottom of the pile and chuck us eight points and San Marino threw us six.
The UK commentator Terry Wogan decided that the lack of friendship being shown to us is down to the odd illegal war or two that we have undertaken recently which the Labour MP on BBC News agreed with, stating that "I think there's actually probably a deeper story here. People across Europe are fed up with Britain's over-close relationship with the United States and the Iraq War."
Good point until you realise that Israel - who know a thing or two about starting dodgy wars and being close to America - finished 9th and geographically, they are not even in Europe.
Although there may be a grain of truth in this hypothesis, and i am as keen to blame Tony Blair for our failings as the next person, we were still left with a bad song that was not as bad as some other songs, but nevertheless everyone liked the least. We are still left wondering why, when we can turn out some great pop songs, we can't compete with Bosnia Herzegovina or Azerbaijan when it comes to writing a decent European song.