Saturday, 16 February 2013

So It Begins

After spending the day roaming the streets with a bottle of industrial strength weedkiller and a small child with a cold, i am happy to report that i have not seen any killer plants wandering about the place or any alien spaceships so we are safe and the meteorite in Russia yesterday was not the start of an invasion by big plants or aliens but not everyone thinks that the big rock falling from space yesterday was just a big rock falling from space.
Vladimir Zhirinovsky is a Russian politician and claims that the meteor was actually a clandestine American weapons test and an act of provocation by the U.S.
Although the best explanation could be that Vlad has been at the cheap vodka again, he backed up his claim arguing that newly appointed U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry had been trying to reach Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov all day, 'to warn him that there would be such a provocation, and it might affect Russia'.
Before the Russians start pointing their weapons towards Washington once again, Vladimar once advocated arming the Russian population and ordering them to shoot migratory birds in a bid to combat bird flu, and during the Alexander Litvinenko affair, suggested dropping nuclear bombs over the Atlantic Ocean in an effort to flood Britain so he isn't an authority on using his brain.
Meanwhile, and in keeping with the Triffids invasion, a meteorite was seen over Cuba earlier this week creating a sonic boom that shook doors and windows.
In a video on the TV newscasters website, CubaSi, described the skyline phenomenon as 'a light in the heavens and then a big ball of fire, bigger than the sun'.
Cuban authorities are now looking for any fragments that may have fallen to the earth.
I suggest sleeping with a bottle of Resolva or Weedol by the side of the bed and if anybody wants me, i will be on the Isle of Wight.

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