Thursday, 13 August 2015

Tittles, Muntins and Zarfs

It was early in the morning and i was resisting the temptation to scratch the wet tittles (dot above the i and j) with my lunule (white bit at the top of the finger nail) to dry it quicker so as i waited, i absentmindedly watched the crepuscular rays (rays of sunlight) peek out from the dark morning clouds through the muntin (strip separating window panes), mouthing mondegreen (a misheard lyrics) to the Bob Dylan earworm (tune stuck in your head) that i heard on the radio earlier.
I rubbed my Glabella (the smooth part between the eyebrows) as the the fragrant petrichor (smell after rain) wafted to my desk from the pavement as i played with the ferrule (metal part on a pencil) on my purlicue (space between thumb and the forefingers).
My neighbour waved as he went past on his morning jog and i waved back and noticed his gynecomatia (manboobs) under his tight t-shirt which made me wamble (stomach rumble) and crinkle my philtrum (groove between nose and lip).
He was always up and about early, no dysania (finding it hard to get out of the bed in the morning) for him but that middle aged spread must make it hard for him to find his aglets (plastic coating on a shoelace) and armscyes (armholes in clothes).
The clock struck 7 and my tittles were now dry so i shook my head and closed my eyes until the phosphenes (lights you see when you close your eyes) appeared and the paresthesia (pins and needles) in my numb right leg eased.
After stretching my back while holding my arms akimbo (hands on hips), I took a swig from my bottle of water, holding it with my hand across the punt (indentation at the bottom of a bottle), it was time to go fetch my shoes. Shoes that fit are hard to come by when you have a Morton’s toe (second toe is bigger than your big toe) and it was almost impossible to get an accurate reading on a brannock device (unit that measures the size of your feet).
Now i was late and it still looked like rain so took the desire path (path created by natural means on grass), through the park to save time and using my umbrella as a cane, and with every step planting its ferrule (metal pointed bit at the end of the umbrella) in the ground, running through my late excuse in my head until it became semantic satiation (what happens when you say something for so long that it loses its meaning).
I stopped to buy a coffee from the coffee seller on the way, remembering to use a zarf (coffee cup sleeve) to protect my hands and an Aero bar, and only realising it was a mint one after the first bite and having to chank it (spit something out) and throw the rest in the bin.
Foregoing the usual bandinage (banter) with the coffee guy, i carried on to work thankful that i was megagaltastic (having a large vocabulary).

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