Special Guest Blogger: Dom Pérignon

As the son of a local vineyard owner in the Champagne region of France, when i entered the Benedictine Order i was asked to help out with their wine which to be polite, was awful tasting stuff and as they sold it to finance the Monastery they were in the right place because it would take a miracle for them to make any money from it.
First up was modernising their grape press and i came up with a method to make a clear white wine from black grapes and reintroducing the cork as a more effective seal and using English glass which was stronger and better able to withstand pressure due to the secondary fermentation process which would make the bottles explode when the CO2 built up.
All well and good but it still tasted like sewage water but the problem was the fermentation method which continued once the wine was in the bottle so i told them to harvest in cool conditions and blend the grapes before sending them to the press.
Some of the locals were invited to taste it and the wife of a influential wine seller was invited and she was a very buxom lady and took a huge gulp and almost chocked as the bubbles lodged in her chest which wasn't surprising as there was plenty of room for a couple of lodgers in there.
The wines not only tasted better and sold so well locally that the monastery’s began selling the wines further afield, such as Paris and London, soon we were sending barrels of the stuff all over and i had the business sense to name it after myself.
The monastery wine process was taken over by Moët & Chandon and became one of the most highly prized sparkling champagnes in the world and i worked as the cellar master until i died.
So i never invented Champagne, i just made it taste better for the sort of people who wear name-tags at parties.