Mind Your Language

I was invited to an International get together and met some wonderful people and first up was the Catalan's and they has a lovely dachshund so i greeted them by telling them they had a very cool pet. How was i supposed to know in Catalan 'Cool' means rear end and 'pet' is to fart so i quickly moved onto the Japanese congregation who were discussing the quickest way to get to the Science Museum.
Trying to be helpful i held up and mobile phone and asked if they wanted to check my Siri, imagine my horror when i found out 'Siri' translates to 'butt' in Japanese so i made my excuses and left and headed towards the Europeans who i assumed would be safer and saw Sven who i knew a long time ago.
As he did the three cheek kiss i turned to his wife and said it is fine, every time he sees me he showers me with kisses which went down about as well as you would think as to Swedish ears, kiss means urine so i beat a hasty retreat to the buffet where i met a Dutch woman who asked me how my evening was going.
I sighed that it wasn't going great but there is always a big lull at these events and the way the night was going i was hoping for an especially big one, 'lul' in Dutch means penis so i turned my red face towards the Hungarian candidate beside me and reached out for some comfort food saying i could really do
with a cookie which wasn't the best thing to say as 'cookie' not only means penis in Hungarian, but an especially small one.  
I then told the French guys his wife had a very cute face and obviously the way my night was going 'face' means rear end in French and when i asked the Norwegian to pass me a cake and he asked me which one i innocently said 'You Pick' and he threw his plate down and stormed off because wouldn't you know it, 'pick' means penis again in Norwegian
I asked the South Korean if they were enjoying their Burrito's and they could all have Salsa with it, that would be 'Salsa' meaning diarrhea i found out when they all changed their minds and ate the chocolate cake instead.
I told the Portuguese barman that it had taken a long time but finally it was payday, 'payday' meaning 'i just farted' and i ended the evening with some Trump supporting Americans so i told them exactly what i thought of him and they laughed and said you mean he's an ass, you are saying it in the American way?
'Nope', i said 'i mean it in the British way' and with that i left with my dignity intact.