Wednesday, 24 January 2024

Special Guest Blogger: Jerry Springer

My story starts in Highgate Subway Station which was being used as a makeshift bomb shelter in London during World War Two.
As i used to be the political campaign adviser to Robert F. Kennedy and then the mayor of Cincinnati you could consider me vastly overqualified for my more famous career as the host of a televised show but politicians are known for being slimy and exploiting the underprivileged so i had all the attributes for The Jerry Springer Show.
When fate intervened in my first position in the form of a crazy guy with a gun in a Los Angeles Hotel, i moved back to Ohio and ran for Congress and soon after i got elected to the Cincinnati city council at only 27 years old.
A few years later, i was forced to resign after the Cincinnati vice squad raided a local massage parlor and because the law frowns on massaging one particular part of a man's body and they found a check from one Mr Jerry Springer, i gave a press conference where i admitting my error and my honesty must have struck a chord because i got re-elected in a landslide the next year, and was eventually propelled to the office of mayor.
So you may wonder how i end up manipulating red necks into fighting on national TV?
Well, after i ran for governor of Ohio and lost, i decided to take my talents to TV, where i immediately became famous for my editorials on the evening news. While other news anchors just read the teleprompter, i became the most popular anchor in Cincinnati by making witty speeches that represented an actual opinion. And so i was offered my nationally syndicated TV show where real people talked about real problems.
The problem was that nobody gave much of a shit about it so with my show facing cancellation, so i decided to take the show in another wilder direction and hosted 4,969 episodes and the rest is history and a very happy ending which funny enough was what started it all off in that massage parlour all those years earlier.

No comments: