Asking God If He Saved Trump

The right wing are whack-a-doodle enough but throw religion in to it and you really are in loony tune territory and the convention for the religious right in Florida didn't disappoint in the crazy stakes.
The talk was of divine intervention which saved Donald Trump with Senator Marco Rubio giving thanks to God for turning Trumps head as the shot was fired and a televangelist said God had given Trump 'blood-anointed ears' while another Bible basher said that: 'If God wanted him dead, he could have pushed the bullet half an inch, but he’s here today'.
So did God save Donald Trump that Saturday afternoon? Let’s ask him.
When i caught up with him he was watching the Olympics Swimming and i began by asking him if he was responsible for saving Trump.
The snooker player? he inquired and i explained it wasn't Judd Trump but Donald Trump. Fat guy, weird hair, orange skin, used to be the President of America.
'Oh that moron', he sighed, 'what's he done now?
'Got shot in the ear and the religious folk are saying you turned his head so the bullet grazed his ear instead of giving him another nostril in his head' i explained.
'I'm not in that saving game anymore' he said, 'but people still seem to pin things on me if something good happens which i am more than happy to accept, but God knows why i would want to save him and i'm God so i should know'.
That's good to know i said because my next question would have been if you did deflect the bullet, why did it go on to kill a 50 year firefighter.
Nope, i made it quite clear when i sent down the 10 commandments that if you break any of them at any time in your life you are not good enough for me and he has widdles all over them with his sexual assault of my female creations, blatant lies and fraud so if someone had assassinated him, then he wouldn't be up here.
You may want to send a memo to the religious right in America', i said, 'they are calling him the anointed one and saying you saved him for a higher purpose'.
'You're joking' he said, 'I stay well away from all those Religious nuts, you know how many wars i have meant to have supported? Sometimes both sides at once, its a freak show. Anyway, the 200m Butterfly Final is just coming on so show yourself out'.
There you have it then, God also thinks Trump is a berk and he didn't save him and if you think he did, you qualify for a nice cell with padded walls.