Sunday 7 June 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Sigmund Freud

I gave the World the concept of Psychoanalysis, the Oedipal complex, repression, dream analysis, psychotherapy, the subconscious/unconscious, id/ego/superego and the belief that all people possess unconscious thoughts, feelings, desires, and memories and most of them concern sexual symbolism.
I also gave the World the Freudian slip, an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings, usually concerning sex and offering us a look into the human psyche and discovered that it's full of cocks.
Many of my works ended up having sexual connotations, such as females wanting equality suffering a form of feminine castration complex and penis envy and smoking was just a substitution for masturbation but it is absurd to say that i was obsessed by the male genitalia or phallus, dicks, pricks, members, tools, organs, cocks, wangs, knobs, choppers, plonkers, dongs, winkles, joysticks, peckers, John Thomas's, weenies, whangs, todgers, schlongs or willies.
One of my patients had a severe leg pains with stomach and menstrual pains which i diagnosed as being caused by habitual masturbation and could be cured by an operation on her nose which resulted in recurrent nasal bleeding which were, i said were due to 'hysterical wish-bleedings linked to a wish to be loved', see that's the good thing about being a famous psychiatrist, you can say any old bollocks and they believe you. 
Things were going great penis's until the Nazis turned up to ruin things so i fled to Britain and continued my career of the patient paying me a lot of money to pour out their feelings on a couch while i nodded and took notes and concluded they jerked off too much.
In no way associated with cigarettes and penis's, i smoked only great big, long, thick cigars and it was these that did for me as i contracted cancer of the jaw and died and left the World Psychoanalysys, so-named because anyone who believes that analysis i spouted must be a psycho.

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