Special Guest Blogger: Orson Welles

I am probably remembered for writing, directing, and starring in what is generally referred to as the greatest film of all time but i hardly made it out of childhood.
What with Malaria, measles, whooping cough, diphtheria, asthma, sinus headaches and congenital anomalies in the spine and if that wasn’t enough, i also had flat feet, which led to problems with my feet and ankles and i spent much of my childhood bedridden but i did meet Harry Houdini who taught me a few magic tricks and i thought i could be a magician if the acting never worked out, i went from your basic sleight-of-hand tricks to sawing a person in half.
During the Second World War, i went over to Europe to help entertain the troops, bringing along star Marlene Dietrich to saw in two but for some reason the men preferred her in one piece but appreciated the effort nonetheless.
Before the film for which i would become most well know, i did a radio broadcast of H.G. Wells’ short story, The War of the Worlds, which scared the living crap out of people who thought it was a real alien invasion, my idea to make it as realistic as possible with shockingly authentic newscast-style version and eyewitness reports, making it seem like Earth truly was being invaded by Martians.
Strangely HG Wells was driving through San Antonio, Texas not long after the broadcast, when he had to stop and ask for directions. The person that he asked was none other than me and we spent the rest of the day hanging out and laughing at the furore his story and my radio broadcast had created.
Although Citizen Kane has gone on to become recognized as one of the greatest films ever, if not the greatest, my portrayal of real-life publishing tycoon, William Randolph Hearst really wound up the real Hearst who refused to allow any mention of it in his newspapers and refused to publicize the film in his papers which drove people away from seeing the film and it bombed at the box office.
I then had a well known falling out with Hollywood after they changed the ending of one of my films and i went into self imposed exile and went on a tour Europe and ate, i did eat a lot and at my death i topped 300 lbs and suffered diabetes and died in the same week as Rock Hudson and Yul Brynner and that made all the newspapers.