A simple reminder to learn from his mistakes, not to say anything from which people would take grave offence and at least pay attention to a few of the Commandments, especially the Thou shalt not commit adultery one and leave the women alone at least while i was present… well, how difficult can it be? Very difficult indeed, would appear to be the answer to that particular query because he turned up at the Barcelona dock with his mistress.
All the way there they would keep disappearing below stairs to 'check the poop deck' but it was obvious by the sound of the hammock creaking that the only thing being checked was the King's floozy.
When we got to Majorca i told his Majesty that it wasn't good to tell the heathens to obey the Commandments if he is breaking it with someone who he didn't trade wedding vows with and told him to send her back home or I was leaving but he refused and threatened any ship captain who would take me back to Spain so i did what anyone in my position would do and spread my cloak upon the water, tied up one corner of it to a stick for a sail, made the sign of the Cross, stepped onto the cloak, and sailed along for six hours until i reached Barcelona.
To be fair the King did a pretty good job without me and between bumping squishy body parts with his fancy woman, managed to convert the people of Majorca to the Catholic Church and therefore making it a favourite destination for Brits to come and drink enough lager to drown a household pet each summer and i was one hundred years old at the time of my death and invented sail boarding so that's a result.
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