Special Guest Blogger: Hindu God Krishna

As one of the most popular Hindu deities, a dashing, daring, blue-skinned hero who drove women wild it is fair to say i was a bit of a babe magnet but the other 15,999 wives meant nothing to me, my true love was Radha, although Valentines day was a minefield.
Most of my formative years were spent avoiding death at the hands of jealous friends and relatives and i narrowly avoided being killed at birth by my uncle Kamsa, but Vishnu saved the day by transferring me to the womb of Godlet Vindhyavasini who was then whisked off to heaven, it seems being a God comes with people not only trying to passive-aggressively murder you, but also just straight-up aggressively trying to murder you.
Once safely born, my troubles really began and a succession of baby-killing demons tried their best to dispatch me but they seemed to forget that i was really an indestructible Godly lump with an array of demon dispatching tricks up my sleeves.
One attempt was by Putana who got a job as my wet nurse and she put poison on her nipples but having the digestion of an immortal, rather than spit it out i sucked so hard that she turned inside out. Did feel for the nurse who had the job of changing my nappies after that.
Once grown up, i went off to be a teenage boy and chase girls and would rush to the rescue of the lovely maidens but the flaw was once rescued i had to marry them to prevent any moral complications, hence the many, many wedding anniversaries on my calendar.
This all come a screeching halt when when it was revealed that i was really the Eighth Incarnation of Vishnu, and was therefore supposed to be doing important Godly work instead of messing around rescuing babes and rolling around in the hay all day so i kissed goodbye to all my wives and with that done, three months later i left to start a new career as God and Hero.
Many tales have been told of my amazing Godly adventures, eloping with Rukmini at her own wedding leaving a crowd of highly irritated wedding party guests munching stale wedding cake and feuding with Sisupala and slicing him neatly in half, lifting a hill to protect a city from a flood and generally dodging death the way some people dodge paying for a round when it is there turn to get them in.
I died when i was accidentally pinned to a tree by a dozen arrows during a festival but like Celine Dion, my heart will go on as it ended up in a wooden cart being dragged around the planet but i do not accept that my story was stolen by the Christians for their own god.
I will admit there are a few similarities such as both being born to Virgins under a star and both our births occurred while our fathers returned to their native city, and were both visited by three wise men and indeed we both had a king slaughtering all baby males after our birth and while we both performed miracles and we were both crucified with the noon Sun darkening at both events but apart from that, i was around hundreds of years before Christianity was as much as a twinkle in a rogue Jew's eye so completely different.