Special Guest Blogger: Robert Liston

The 19th Century wasn't exactly known for its state-of-the-art medical facilities, it was a time in history when getting a splinter was enough reason to go coffin shopping and main treatment for pretty much anything was chopping off the affected bit of body which was every bit as effective as it sounds as in terms of pain and survivability, it all depended on how quick the surgeon was, anesthetic not yet being a thing.
I was known as the 'fastest knife in the West' during my time as chief surgeon and trainer at The Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh and held the record of amputating a mans leg and his testicles in just under 2 and a half minutes although the testicles were an accident in my haste, i would have apologised to him afterwards only he died of gangarene like so many of the patients.
Working so fast there was always going to be accidents but my blood stained frock coat was testament to my skill, the more blood and pus on the coat, the busier and therefore more sought out the surgeon and i would spring across the stained boards upon the strapped-down patient in-front of medical students and the flash of my knife was followed swiftly by the rasp of saw on bone clasping the bloody knife between my teeth.
Such was the blur of the knife that one time i took off the patients leg, two fingers of my assistant who was holding down the patient and accidentally slashed a watching official who fainted and later died of shock although actually all three later died, the patient, assistant and spectator, i did it all remarkably quickly.
It took just over 3 minutes of slashing to help the man who came to me with a 45-pound scrotal tumour, so heavy he had to carry it round in a wheelbarrow but two of my students were James Simpson and Joseph Lister who would go on to be pioneers of chloroform and anesthetic techniques.
It was said that such was my legacy that some patients had a heart attack just by looking at me but this was Scotland and to be fair, it's probably not all that difficult to induce heart attacks in people whose favorite dessert is a deep-fried Mars bar