Russian-occupied Poland was a bleak place for women, and also men, and frankly most of the animals didn't have it great either but with nothing more than sheer force of will, mad scientists and some truly great divorce lawyers i made my way to international celebrity.
It all began with a chance meeting of Tsar Nicholas at the royal ball in St. Petersburg and he declared me the most beautiful woman at the ball and even commissioned a special portrait of me which bought me to the attention of certain young men and i met and married a wealthy baron but he wanted to live in cold, desolate Russia and i had much higher ambitions so i divorced him and moved with half of his fortune to New York and into the bedroom of an elderly, well off doctor who i married and then he helpfully died two years later leaving me heartbroken but the huge inheritance helped to soothe my broken heart along with Harold McCormick, who was the head of the world's biggest producer of farm equipment and who went to Switzerland to ask his wife for a divorce so he could marry me but by the time he got back with his divorce papers, i had got fed up waiting and married another millionaire.
That marriage soon ran into trouble and at the divorce proceedings my lawyers successfully argued that i had suffered numerous acts of cruelty like him giving me Cartier bracelets as they covered 'the natural beauty of my delicate wrists' and he 'forced me to accept a sable coat worth a million francs, so big and heavy that it made me look old and fat'.
Amazingly the court agreed that i had no choice but to divorce the cruel bastard and i had to accept a hefty out-of-court settlement, and then immediately married Harold McCormick after all.
Now Harold was all man, apart from his testicles because he had baboon glands inserted to increase his sex drive but his super-gonads did not interest me as much as his opera contacts because i fancied myself as a bit of a singer and he staged numerous elaborate productions starring me
with one performance ending with the audience booing and throwing rotten vegetables so i packed my bags and departed for Europe where i bought a theater on the Champs-Elysees and staged many lavish performances.
With my own theater and no further need for a man with monkey balls, i divorced him and married the inventor Harry Grindell Matthews who was putting the final touches to his death ray which turned out to be so weak that at the demonstration, three scientists stepped into the path of the beam to show that nothing would happen, which it never, so as appealing as an Opera singer with a death ray might have been, we divorced months after getting married and by now, with 5 divorce settlements in my bank account, i was stinking rich and next up was Theos Bernard, a Buddhist mystic 21 years younger than me but while his testicles were human, his brain was certainly baboon and we divorced, he used his divorce settlement to fund an expedition to Tibet, where he was immediately shot in the head and dumped in a river.
I never married again, mostly because i was so rich i had more to lose in divorce settlements so i bought a big house and spent millions building up my mansion's gardens so my journey through everything ended with nothing more than an interest in gardening and avoiding the monkey cages at the zoo's.
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