Special Guest Blogger: Satan

I did wonder what with all the Saints being asked to contribute here when the authors would get around to asking me, considering that i was one of the first angels and all, so perfect that they have chosen 31 October or 'High Unholy Day', the day all Satanists clear their calendar so i have taken the time out from pitchforking Michael Jackson in the bum, to write this.
Allow me to introduce myself, i'm Satan, also known as the Devil, Beelzebub, Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, Scratch or Old Nick and founder of the metal genre of music. I'm also a gambler and a businessman, willing to make bets or Faustian contracts with you and grant you wishes/musical abilities in exchange for your immortal soul.
If anybody can tell about the importance of bouncing back when you're down, it's me. I was once the brightest of all angels, but i led a rebellion when God refused to consult me over his plans to create man despite being kind of God's adviser on human relation so he slam dunked my sorry arse to hell to became not only the Prince Of Darkness and mankind's primary antagonist but the yin to God's yang and the guy everyone blames when things go wrong and it was a shock i never really recovered from and since then - apart from a few guest-star roles in the Book of Revelations, South Park and heavy metal albums played backwards - there's been very little.
In the Bible texts, i am acknowledged to have killed 10 people while the loving God killed a total of 10 million men, women and children in a great flood. So if God was the one with the larger taste for blood, why is it that i'm the bad guy but then i have always had a bit of a bad reputation after introducing sin into the world and corrupting God's first couple but that wasn't even me.
The snake in the Garden Of Eden who convinced Eve to eat the forbidden fruit was an actual talking snake rather than a shape-shifting devil, as evidenced by God cursing it to crawl on its belly for eternity. That wasn't anyone from my side, it was just a snake who happened to be an arse.
For Gods opposite i don't get many mentions in the Bible so hell knows where the image of a cloven-hoofed, pitchfork-wielding, red-skinned, goat-legged, horned king of hell came from, i am described as only a disembodied ghost-voice so imagine less Ozzy Osbourne and a better looking James Blunt, all very respectable but Blunt obviously isn't one who came to me to make a deal for musical talent, as anyone who has ever listened to any of his albums will testify.
Tonight though, of all nights, is all about us bad guys and the time when you will want to be doing a bit of demon summoning but the problem seems to be that everyone goes straight for the top guy, me, and as good as i am as the Lord of Hell, even i can't be in several places at the same time so you end up frustrated that your summoning spell didn't work and you give up and go sulk in your room listening to death metal music instead.
The thing with demons and creatures from hell in general is that even if you don't get me, whoever you summon will still be evil so try aiming lower, have your list and your summoning equipment and possibly even a virgin tied up in the garage but something else that needs consideration is that the demon you summon will not do your bidding for nothing, there will be a contract involved.
Contracts can range from a packet of Maryland Cookies to the souls of your first born and you have to remember that the person you are negotiating with is evil, so expect a few dick-moves and read any small print because thinking you have negotiated all the riches you will ever desire for the cost of a cheese sandwich and then finding out you actually signed up to being tortured in a pit of fire for eternity because that can really ruin your weekend.  
Finally, one more consideration before lighting the black candles is the location because Hell and its inhabitants smell of sulfur and sulfur smells of rotten eggs and do you really want something that smelly to be putting in an appearance in your bedroom, you've got to sleep in there later remember, so take it outside or at least into your little sisters room.
Happy summoning people.