Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Canada v England

During it's heyday, Great Britain sprung many offspring such as Australia, America and Canada.
Australia has always been our child that we are wary of wanting to show to polite company, lest it would belch loudly and try to set light to it's own farts at the lunch table.
America has always been the sort of country that us parents would receive phone calls from the school inviting us up for a meeting as it has been stealing the other countries lunch money and has been trying to look up the skirts of the girls.
Canada though has always been the perfect child for us Brits, well behaved, well mannered and the sort of country that would excuse themselves from the table to do a spot of vacuuming and washing up.
This gives us Brits a bit of a quandary because England have been matched against our favourite child in the Women's World Cup Quarter Final. If it was Australia or America it wouldn't be an issue, it would be smash them and then let's do that L thing with our index finger and thumb to the forehead and mock them for being rubbish but Canada is different.
I suppose it will be cheer for England and then give a British pat on the back and chin up old girl, you did well and better luck next time and all that.
Of our less liked children, the USA have China and Australia face the winner of Japan v Netherlands, Japan then, although it all seems academic because Germany will win the thing and we we all go home empty handing trying to avoid the Australians and that slightly acrid smell of singed arse hair that emanates from them for some reason.

2 comments:

Keep Life Simple said...

You didnt spawn the USA. We expelled the vermin and the remainder formed a nation in spite of England's best and multiple efforts...piss off condescending assholes

Falling on a bruise said...

That's why you are not our favourite child and Canada is, they pay attention in history lessons for one.