Let me tell you if you want to feel wind rushing through your hair, spend a day dousing the backside of someones who diet is mostly vegetables with boiling water and urine and then inserting a red hot metal pole into the anus to separate the hemorrhoids. How nobody ever thought of it before me i won't ever know but in my time medicine was making incredible advances in the field of shrugging as a patient died horribly.
Illness and disease were considered to be bestowed upon the owner by the Gods and i was the first to say hang about, Zeus isn't sitting on Olympus paying enough attention to us to send down the punishment of odd discharges and a strange burning sensation if we steal an apple, rather it's a result of environmental factors, diet and living habits.
I found that in a point in the progression of disease the patient's body would either begin to heal itself and would either get better or they would die and i called this the crisis point and my role was to find a way to make the former more likely.
I also invented the first lie detector by noticing that measuring a patient's pulse while asking them questions resulted in an increased rate if they were lying although most of my patients were men.
It was a time when even leading medical people like me were wary of involving themselves in the complexities of the female body with it's inverted penis (or vagina) and wombs slithering around their bodies and damaging their heart, lungs, kidney and spleen making them sick, that was too much even for me to unravel.
My hippocratic oath was that a doctor must 'either help or do not harm the patient' and i am sure that techniques and practises have since expanded and improved my methods, and improved upon the medical jam jar lid i had already loosened although i would be interested to know how sticking a hot pole up someones backside could be improved upon.
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