I was chased out of West Point Academy for drinking and enrolled at the University of Alabama, where i developed my interest in psychology and girls, getting expelled for spending the night in the women’s dorms which would have been totally worth it if WW2 wasn't raging and i got drafted.
I was assigned to the psychology department of an army hospital in Pennsylvania and once everyone had stopped killing each other, i accepted a job at Harvard and settled down into a perfectly ordinary, middle-class life or i may have done if i hadn't been introduced to magic mushrooms which the Mexicans used in religious ceremonies.
I experimented with the psychedelic mushrooms and found they induced feelings of euphoria and profound religious experiences and i became an advocate for psychedelic drugs, founding an organization called the International Federation for Internal Freedom to raise awareness about the consciousness-expanding qualities of these substances.
I took some for my students and gave it to them on a field trip which got me fired from Harvard but i was determined to continue my research and attracted the attention of some wealthy supporters, most notably one of the heirs to one of the biggest family fortunes in America and they set me up in mansion in New York, where i spent the next four years writing, researching and making LSD which is genuinely impressive when you are completely stoned all the time.
I renamed my organisation the League for Spiritual Discovery (LSD for short) and pitched it as a religious movement, saying that LSD offered a key to unlock the doors of religion and i had a calling from God to lead humanity into a new era by distributing my drugs as widely as possible.
I claimed that LSD could solve the world's problems and even cure homosexuality (it couldn't) and came up with the slogan turn on, tune in, drop out which especially the hippies took to heart.
Traveling back from a research trip in Mexico, US Customs officers found two marijuana joints in my car and i was apprehended and sentenced to 30 years in prison which was successfully appealed.
I did try to run for governor of California against Ronald Reagan (John Lennon wrote "Come Together" as a campaign song for me) and i told people to just be themselves although for some i met it was actually don't, you're a dick. Take my drugs and be someone cool and interesting but another drug bust and a 10 year sentence bought that to a swift end but my sentence came to an even swifter end as i was not content with my involuntary vacation, even with all expenses paid by The Man so after a few months i shimmied along a 100-foot telephone cable over the prison fence and escaped.
That was when Richard Nixon came up with the most dangerous man in America line and the Weather Underground group who were hoping for some reflected credibility with the hippies, smuggled me out of the USA and into Algeria, Switzerland and finally Afghanistan but the Afghans forced me onto a plane and returned me to my home country where i was immediately apprehended and another 5 years was tacked onto my sentence. Upon my release from prison i returned to my life as a psychedelic celebrity and in all i was arrested often enough to see the inside of 29 different prisons worldwide and created enough LSD to get every single American high twice over, which certainly sounds like a fun weekend.
After hanging out with all those Hollywood celebrities, and with the era of Hippy Love LSD over, i got a bit part in the sitcom Frasier but when doctors diagnosed me with terminal cancer i tried to get myself cryogenically frozen but it was too costly so instead i had my remains cremated and blasted into space.
All those drugs did shake loose a few brain cells admittedly but i did try to make the world a better place but the Governments are just too evil dude, take toothpaste, they use it to control us. Why do you think all the commercials tell you to brush twice a day? If you'd seen what I'd seen, and if you've heard what I've heard, you'd never brush your teeth again!
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