Sunday 26 April 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Millard Fillmore

Despite being cursed with a christian name of Millard, i became the 13th President of the United States and was also a member of a party called The Know Nothing Party.
Our values were primarily anti-Catholic, xenophobic, and hostile to immigration, so not too far from today's President really.
We believed that the Catholics immigrants coming into the United States were attempting to take over the government and the Pope directly opposed American values and what the US Government stood for so we proposed that all Catholic immigrants should go through a twenty-one year naturalisation processes to prove their patriotism and that they should be removed from public office.
Obviously being a right wing fruitcake is fine nowadays but i only became President after Zachary Taylor’s died, hilariously from eating too many cherries.
Less funny was Taylor's dislike for slavery so one of the first things i did once gaining the Presidency was pass the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 which required that slaves who escaped to free states be returned to their owners and made it illegal to help fleeing slaves.
To prove it wasn't just the Blacks and Catholics i hated, i also promoted the ethnic cleansing of Native Americans to reservations to make way for white settlers.
After coming third in the following election, i went on to commanded the Union Continentals, the Dad's Army of home guards for males who were either too old, too unfit or just too plain useless, men like that Private Pike, the stupid boy. 
After my death, my biographer said that 'Fillmore was always on the wrong side of the great moral and political issues' so it is nice to see that the Know Nothing Party continued, it just changed it's name to The Republican Party.

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