Friday 3 April 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Richard Nixon

I oversaw an improvement in US-Soviet and US-China relations, enforced desegregation of Southern schools, established the Environmental Protection Agency, ending the Vietnam War, presided over the Apollo 11 moon landing and was re-elected in one of the largest electoral landslides in American history but i am best known for being the only American President to resign from the office.
Thanks to me all scandals now have the suffix '-gate' attached to it after Watergate, the Hotel where five of my men men were caught breaking into the Democratic party headquarters to bug it and which bought about my downfall.
Thinking the evidence had been destroyed, i tried to blagg it and said that I was not a crook and looking at what the last few Presidents have been getting away with, by today's standards, i certainly wasn't.
I really didn't handle it properly and my actions, just like that meeting between Bill Clinton and Monika Lewinski, it all left a nasty taste in the mouth but in a later speech i said it would be forgotten and we will see how future generations regarded me then.
Thanks to Matt Groening's Futurama, to the future generations i'm more well known as the Presidential head in a jar than Watergate.
I didn't have much of a head for alcohol and once whilst really drunk, was told that North Korea had shot down a spy plane so i demanded a nuclear strike in retaliation but luckily Henry Kissinger intervened and told the military to do nothing until i sobered up in the morning which was probably a good thing.
All told, considering some of the other stuff i did such as unnecessarily prolonging the Vietnam War by wrecking the Paris Peace Talks on the eve of the agreement being signed just to ruin my political opponents chances of beating me and ordering the death of a journalist as well as almost drunkenly starting a nuclear war, i'm very happy with just being most known for a hotel burglary.

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