Monday 13 April 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Joan Crawford

In my life i had four weddings including one to notorious lothario Douglas Fairbanks Jr but it is hard being married to somebody who thinks about nothing but sex, sex, sex morning noon and night seven days a week and not many people could handle a marriage like that, he certainly couldn't and none of my other three husbands could either.
I was never the sort of person to wait around for the casting couch to come to me, i took my own with me wherever i went. When Vincent Sherman was auditioning for his upcoming movie, The Damned Don't Cry, i invited him over to check out some of my previous work, and a few other things which worked because i got the role.
I had a rough upbringing and set out to take Hollywood any way i could, which often meant using a short skirt, low cut top and my feminine wiles to procure the best roles. On my bedpost were notches alongside the names of Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy and countless other less famous Hollywood types who gave me a leg up, leg down, leg sideways and all leg positions inbetween.
There was another less glamorous side to my fame. One of my adopted children, Christina, penned a book titled 'Mommie Dearest' which was a scathing tale of my vicious, abusive alcoholism and how i would sabotage the careers of prettier, more able rivals, especially Bette Davis who i had a long running feud with after she said that my eyebrows were like 'African caterpillars' and said i had slept with 'every male star at MGM, except Lassie'. What a bitch.
The book painted me as an intensely jealous aging actress who given to egotistical fits and embarked on affairs to try and stay relevant and a raging alcoholic using my rider of demanding a case of Pepsi be provided which doesn't prove my alcoholism.
The vodka, bourbon, Scotch, gin and two bottles of champagne i demanded with it doesn't look good i admit but i made it to 71 before dying of a heart attack and leaving behind 80 motion pictures and a headboard with more famous names on it then the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

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