Sunday 12 April 2020

Special Guest Blogger: Benito Mussolini

Ciao, as i gave the World Fascism it warms my heart to see that it is currently going through something of a resurgance. The downside is that it is now being run by the likes of the Republicans in America and the Conservatives in the UK, two countries who i did so much to introduce it back in the 30s and 40s and two countries who are currently being run by idiots who are sure to give my Facism a bad name.
I began life as journalist and i was a proper journalist, following the golden journalist mantra of What, When, Why, Where and Who all the way through my political career so it was What are black people doing in my country, Who wants a Black Shirt, When are we invading France, Where are you taking me and finally Why are you looking for a lampost?
The strange thing is that initially i offered to join forces with Britain and France to take on Hitlers Germany and we even signed the Easter Accords Agreements for peaceful coexistence but me ordering the killing of hundreds of thousands of Libyans and Ethiopians to make room for Italian colonists didn't go down well with them so i threw in my lot with Hitler's Nazi's instead.
It is said that i was one of the strictest men alive and everything had to be perfect and efficient including the trains so the saying that at least i made the trains run on time is true, mainly due to executing the conductor in front of the train staff if they were even as much as a minute late, nothing like a bullet in the brain to improve timekeeping. 
I did enjoy drinking milk and cookies but the cookies made me hyperactive, and no one wants a bouncy dictator and milk and cookies isn't necessarily the diet of mass murdering fascists but i suffered from chronic stomach pain, and the only thing that brought me relief was drinking gallons of milk although all that milk forced me to be bedridden with constipation and an inflamed liver.
I weaned myself off the milk and went on to lead the Italian forces in North Africa only for the Italian Forces to be terrible fighters and in defeat i ended up murdered and dangling upside-down from a lampost.

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