Answering The Christmas Songs

Hearing Andy Williams say it's the hap-happiest time of the year sounds the starting gun for the festivities and between Andy's holiday greetings and all those gay happy meetings, it's the same old thing from the musical community.
Every year, i ask Mariah what's she wants for Chrismas and she says not a lot, she isn't even wishing for snow but all she wants is me and i say Jesus Christ Mariah, we go through this every year. You can have a selection box or a Matalans voucher and Cliff, if you come near me with that mistletoe and wine again i'm going to kick you straight in the crotch.
George, for the millionth time, it wasn't your heart you gave me last year it was a naff jumper and the very next day i did give it away but even the charity shop were doubtful they could sell it and i know it's cold outside Tom, did you not hear Dean Martin say the weather outside was frightful but it is November but even you would never be cold enough to pull on that awful jumper.
Steeleye Span, what have i told you about speaking English, nobody knows what gaudete, gaudete, Christus est natus means and i think they do they know it's Christmas Bob because it's that time of the year when you turn up and tell them there's a world outside their window and it's a world of dread and fear, you should be more like Bing, he wants to make the yuletide gay and i just might be if i have many more of Mr Ive's cups of cheer, holly jolly Christmas indeed but it wouldn't be the first time and for your information Ronettes, i'm not your mommy and it wasn't Santa Claus you saw me kissing, it was Claude from the IT department and i was very, very drunk.
As i'm at it, until you explain how i can rock around the Christmas tree in the new old fashioned way, you can dance around it on your own Brenda and Bony M, of course Jesus Christ was born on Christmas Day, whatever day he was born on it would be Christmas Day and John, for the love of God  don't keep pointing out to me it's Christmas and asking what have i done. Only just hung the decorations, all the cooking, bought and wrapped all the presents, wrote out the cards and put up the tree so what have YOU done then John?
I am also very aware that you was born on Christmas Day St Etienne, you keep reminding me so yes, i know but it doesn't mean that you will be getting two presents and as much as i love you David Essex and hearing your Winter's Tale, you are right, why should the world take notice of one more love that's failed, we don't so shut up about it and you also Greg, so what if you are a grown man who believe's in Father Christmas, i know for a fact you put your loose teeth under the pillow for the tooth fairy until you was 21 so it's no surprise.
Leona, as nice as it is to know how many more sleeps it is to Christmas, it's still actually 48 from today so give it a rest for another 43 days luv and i think you will find Crystals, that i have been a very good girl this year so no amount of crying and pouting will stop Santa Claus coming to town but i'm not sure about you Shane Mcgowan, but still you probably won't be sober enough to notice whether he does or not so Happy Christmas anyway you scumbag, maggot, cheap lousy faggot.