Special Guest Blogger: Princess Margaret

It isn't easy being the sibling of someone famous but even worse if your sibling is the Queen of England and you are the spare heir but there wasn't many dull moments in my life.
Our mother reasoned that as we were going to be royals, education was not a top priority for either of us and to be fair, who needs to know what a hypotenuse triangle is or how to spell maeouirve, maneoruce, manue anything when you get a fortune paid to you by the Government. Kerching!!
At the time of my birth, i was fourth in line to the throne but a death and an abdication by King Edward for an American trollop saw me second in line to the British crown and i was asked to tone it down a tad to stop any embarrassment so i guess trying to marry Captain Peter Townsend, newly divorced and 16 years older than me didn't count as trying to tone it down and the Church of England, who my sis was now head of, said i would have to abdicate as the spare and as the British taxpayer was paying for my booze and fags, i sent him a dear John letter and married within the Royal gene-pool to photographer Antony Armstrong-Jones instead who got given the title the Earl of Snowdon and stayed a faithful wife, well for a year or two anyway but some of my affairs where true and some just rumours.
I am sure i would have remembered the likes of Mick Jagger, Peter Sellers, Keith Miller and Warren Beatty if i was boinking them but i definitely remember having an affair with a wine producer named Anthony Barton and there was some interesting use of the Palace furniture with Robin Douglas-Home, the nephew of Prime Minister Alec Douglas-Home and Roddy Llewellyn, a man 17 years my junior who was certainly a talented and flexible young thing but not as flexible as gangster, John Bindon who impressed me one night with his party trick and girls, a bit of advice, if a man can balance a pint of beer on his thingie, don't waste time clearing up the mess with a beer mat afterwards.
Not unsurprisingly, i became the first senior royal family member to get a divorce since 1901 but smoking 60 cigarettes a day and drinking enough alcohol daily to drown a household pet led to pneumonia, the removal of cancerous skin lesion, part of one of my lungs being removed and a stroke but they weren't enough to make me give up the Benson & Hedges and just a few short weeks after my mother died aged 101, at 71 i joined her.