Special Guest Blogger: Greta Garbo

The movie business is just like any other line of work, only the co-workers are better looking, the paychecks are bigger and you can't go outside without having adoring fans throwing themselves at you. But other than that, it's almost exactly the same. The main difference is that when office workers have a meltdown, they might sit in the bathroom stall for an hour or steal a hole-punch, but when Hollywood people do it, we'll pull out all the stops which is exactly what i did.
I had that Scandinavian temperament of not really caring a crap about very much so when i was asked to go to America to make movies i was like, 'ok, whatever' and when i was named by Guinness Book of World Records as 'the most beautiful woman who ever lived' i was all 'yeah, that's nice' and when my film company set up a lunch with Prince Wilhelm of Sweden i just said 'No Thanks, i’m not hungry'.
Every actress has it at some point in their career made a completely ridiculous movie and mine was The Two-Faced Woman, about a woman who pretended to be her own rumba-dancing twin sister to seduce her husband. I was at the top of my fame when it came out and the media gave it such a rubbishing, calling it 'my grave' so i refused to make another movie for the next 49 years, until i went to my actual grave.
I hated the spotlight and the press intrusion, i was deliberately prickly and off-hand with them, refusing to give proper answers. In my very first ever interview after i landed in Hollywood, i set the scene by answering 'I was born. I had a mother and father. I went to school' and then left when they asked me about my life.
I never signed autographs, answered fan mail, or gave interviews, refused to attend film premieres or awards ceremonies and famously said 'I want to be alone' but they still kept offering me film roles and sending invites to the Oscars, obviously leave me alone has a different meaning in America.
I only made 24 Hollywood films and none of them were classics but i made my money and then got out of the business, if only someone had pointed out to Nicholas Cage or Chuck Norris that 'doing a Garbo' was always an option.