Saturday, 22 December 2018

Special Guest Blogger: Chief Elf Snowball McTwinkle

If asked, i would say officially that my main role is making sure that all the toys are made, packaged and on the sleigh in time for Santa to do his rounds on Christmas Eve but unofficially i see my main role as Chief Elf is making sure that my fellow Elf's (or Non-Standard Height Workers as we liked to be known) are treated correctly by the big man.
For example, this year i balloted my workers for strike action over Santa's plans to change the break time meals of candy, cakes and cookies to a healthier diet of vegetables and fruit due to the costs of treating our Type 2 Diabetes but Santa soon backed down when Mrs Claus pointed out that he didn't pay us anyway and stepping over Elf's in a diabetic coma was a small price to keep the children of the World happy.
Santa, you see, comes across as a jolly, benevolent fellow but in the workshop, away from the eyes of the World, he is a tyrant but really, it wasn't that hard to work out, he is a big fat guy with a bushy white beard. Remind you of anyone, maybe one of the Marx family?    
Then there was the red suit and the giving stuff away and not selling it for a massive mark-up, it isn't brain brain surgery people, it's all about redistributing the toys.
The less subtle clues were the fact that 'Ho, Ho, Ho' is Latin for 'Workers of the World Unite' and if you play the chorus of 'White Christmas' backwards you can clearly hear the phrase 'From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs' repeated over and over.
Then there is the list of all the boys and girls and who are either in the system (nice) in which case there are richly rewarded with presents or outside of it (naughty) and they get nothing.
So yes, for all those who have suspected that we has been brazenly feeding Marxism to the innocent, capitalist offspring, you are right so, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout and i'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town and he is carrying a hammer and sickle comrade.

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