Monday, 24 December 2018

Special Guest Blogger: Father Christmas

Hello, boys and girls. As you might imagine, this is a very busy time of year for Santa and the last thing i need to be doing is squeezing in writing a blog post but i have been promising Lucy for the last few years i would do one so here it is before i finish off the shopping and Christmas shopping here in the North Pole area is not exactly easy. We've got a Poundland and a Sports Direct but that's about it.
One of the questions i get asked the most is 'What the worst thing about being Santa?' Well the hours aren't great and the three million mince pies in one evening doesn't do my sugar levels or waistline any favours but getting my hands on coal for the naughty kids is getting tougher, global warming and all that.
Being the North Pole, we see the climate changes here more than most so where we once had snow right up to the window sills, the ice and snow has retreated further than ever but the good news is i found my bike again.
Another new problem is crossing into America to deliver presents, especially with the Orange Grinch in control. Last year three of my elves got put into a metal cage in an immigration camp while crossing at the Mexican border. Took Mrs Claus three days to prove to Immigration Officials that they weren't children and were not trying to claim asylum.
One final thing that grates is that everyone calls me something different. To make it clear, Father Christmas is the office i hold while Santa Claus is my name so i'm not sure why people started calling me St Nicholas, Père Noël, Sinterklaas, Papa Noel, Babbo Natale Christmas Man or Kris Kringle and anyone who calls me Santa Baby is going to find an extra large lump of coal in their stocking.
On the upside, the global recession has meant smaller lists and therefore a lighter sack so Mrs Claus doesn't spend all of January rubbing Deep Heat into my sore back so Ho, Ho, Ho and make sure you are all in bed before i arrive this Christmas Eve and if you could maybe leave a satsuma rather than a mince pie this year it would be much appreciated.

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