Friday, 7 December 2012
We Need New Christmas Songs
John Lennon wrote Merry Xmas (War is Over) and got shot. Cliff Richards wrote the Millennium prayer and lived. Make of that what you will but Cliff Richards isn't alone in giving us a real stinker of a Christmas Song because no matter how much cumulative seasonal good will, jingle bells and fake snow are thrown at some songs, they still suck the big one. I have had Bowling For Soups 'Merry Flippin' Christmas' on in the car CD player since November and if there has been a better version of Frosty the Snowman knocking about then i haven't heard it but there are some Christmas songs that become boring but virtue of being heard far too much and some that should never have been conceived in the first place. If you had to telephone Hell in December and all the operators were busy, the is the on-hold music you would hear would consist of anything from the Michael Buble Christmas album (nice voice but how can he make a Christmas song sound depressing?) or David Hasselhoff sort of singing 'Twas the night before Christmas if they cannot get their hot little hands on a Country & Western Christmas. A man whining about his pick-up being towed on Christmas Eve while a Hawaiian guitar twangs away in the background does not a Christmas song make. Then there are the songs that are so obviously not about Christmas at all. Back Door Santa 'I keep the little girls happy While the boys are out to play' is just plain creepy, the Jimmy Savile police may be interested in finding out who wrote that one and if Santa Baby is about the festive season then i'm in an alternative dimension where you don't get the strong urge to dig out your eardrums with a sprig of holly whenever Wonderful Christmas time comes onto the radio. Yes Macca, many years ago we did have a wonderful Christmas Time but then we heard your song over and over and over and over and over every year and now a wonderful Christmas would be not having to hear your song all the time. That and finding out everything you have done since 1970 was just an awful dream and you stopped singing when the Beatles split. It's about time we got some new Christmas songs because the old ones are sounding very dated now and when you tire of Noddy screaming 'IT's CHRISTMAS' then things are getting desperate. Not you though Cliff, you can sit down.