The UK obviously isn’t going to win Eurovision this year, far too much bitterness towards us on the green and pleasant land and the one thing you need most to win Eurovision is friends, and we ain't got any except Ireland and Malta who throw us a few crumbs each year but we invariably always end up on the right hand side of the screen with the other spotty, wheezy unpopular kids such as France and Moldova.
So we could submit the perfect song and it still wouldn't win but that is what is so exciting about Eurovision, the best song doesn't always win which is why we are all off to Austria this year courtesy of a so-so song sung by a very pretty guy in a dress, full make-up and a beard.
People will now analyse the Cole Porter-esque song which sounds like it has been lifted from the Kit-Kat Club and i am going to stick my neck out and predict that we will be on the left hand side of the screen this time around, albeit towards the bottom.
We have tried new acts, beloved National Treasure acts, the World famous and boy bands with a massive Europe wide following and still stunk the contest out and nobody is expecting any different this time so here's why i am confident that this a year at least we won't be getting sneered at by the Eastern Europeans.
Misplaced faith maybe but i think the BBC have been smart and the song harks back to a time when Britain had a decent reputation and our fellow Europeans looked towards our island as the cool, hip place it used to be.
The song is quirky, energetic, fun and original but mostly it will inspire a nostalgic nod towards a former England from Europeans for the era of the Roaring Twenties, the Charleston, Hemingway, Speakeasy's, Downton Abbey, the Great Gatsby, Charlie Chaplin, Flappers, T.S. Eliot and Jeeves and Wooster.
We may have been left holding the bag for what we have been up-to for the last couple of decades but they have been clever to swerve that by focusing on when we were Hotsy-Totsy as they said back then.
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