Dear Customer
Thank you for using the Postal Service, your custom is much appreciated.
It has been brought to our attention that you have been sending presents through the Postal System which have unfortunately caused a few problems at our sorting depot.
The first item, a partridge in a pear tree, saw the depot filled with hunt saboteurs who have surrounded the tree determined to protect him at all costs.
The two turtle doves caused a demonstration by the LBGT Community who refused to leave until it was acknowledged that that the dove couple in question could be in a same sex relationship. We are currently awaiting a visit from a vet for gender tests.
The French hens on the third day were impounded on the grounds of racism as it was depicted as a slight against our European friends by depicting them as chickens.
The calling birds on the 4th day were noisy but otherwise fine which is more than we could say for the five gold rings which environmental groups protested were made from a non-renewable source.
The geese a-laying eggs where kidnapped by vegans and the Royals, keen to protect their rights as owners of all of Britain's swans, sent down the Royal Crime Squad to confiscate the seven that you had posted.
The nine ladies and eight maids refused to pass through the scanner and have chained themselves to the car park fence where they currently remain and the Pipers being of Scottish origin, have set up a protest group in our staff canteen and refuse to move until we recognise the historical English imperial aggression against their kin.
The 10 Lords have been taken hostage by the People's Democracy Front as they are not in accordance with democratic principles and we have had to issue ear-plugs to drown out the noise of the 12 drummers going at it all day and night so as i am sure you can appreciate, the distractions as outlined above have hindered the smooth running of our business during our busiest period.
While we welcome your custom please be more considerate in future when using our service.
Yours Sincerely
Post Office Manager
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