Special Guest Blogger: Le Petomane

Some people will tell you they have show-business in their blood or in their veins but mine was in my digestive tract because i was the world's most famous flatulist.
Working with hot air also played a part in my first career choice as i was a baker and my bran muffins were famous in Marseilles but that all changed one day at the beach when i took a deep breath to dive below the waves when i suddenly felt an icy chill in my abdomen. After some experimentation i found that i could suck in air through my anus and then noisily propel it again and with proper control, i could even make it tuneful.
I was conscripted into the French Army and my first audience was my fellow soldiers who loved my party piece and once my time was up i considered going back to my day job but people seemed to enjoy my talent so i began touring but i needed a name so called myself Le Petomane which is a blending of the words 'péto', meaning 'to fart' and 'mane', meaning 'maniac', literally A Fart Maniac.
After touring around a bit, i really became a star at the Moulin Rouge starring alongside the actress Sarah Bernhardt who appreciated that what i produced wasn't actually stinky methane farts but pure, although not so fresh air, i doubt if the audience would have stayed aroung too long if they were proper stinkers.
The 19th Century was a great time for acts which were really good at farting and i was propelled to the top of the entertainment world, performing for the Prince of Wales, King Leopold II of Belgium and Sigmund Freud and even had a contract clause which stated farting anywhere outside of the club constituted a breach of contract and instant dismissal.
My act was animal impressions, smoking a cigarette through a tube and playing songs and sometimes a flute or recorder, i got great at playing 'O Sole Mio' but it all went wrong when i tried to help out a friend by giving an impromptu exhibition at his market stall and the Moulin Rouge enacted the clause in my contract and fired me.
I tried to set up my own travelling show but with the outbreak of World War I, i retired from the stage and returned to my bakery job and opened a biscuit factory where i worked until i died but i was immortalised by Thomas Edison who recorded me with his new camera but sadly, there’s no sound so it's just a grainy, black and white film of a man with a flute up his butt.