I truly was a master of my craft, and that craft was swindling mugs out of their money, skills i learnt early on in life with the greatest one being so big that nobody would suspect anyone to have the brass balls for it to be a con.
I started out in my home country of Austria and then moved around Europe and traveled back and forth between Europe and the United States where i pretended to be a Broadway producer and convinced New Yorker's to invest in new shows. These shows were, of course, not real but the clean pair of heels i showed them with their dough sure were.
My greatest moment came when i traveled to some Paris scrap metal dealers with some stationery i had knocked up made to look like i was from the French government saying that the Eiffel Tower was going to be pulled down and sold for scrap, and the dealers were invited to bid on the metal.
It was no secret that the Eiffel Tower was not intended to remain in Paris forever, it was only created for the 1889 World’s Fair, and by 1925, it had outlived its expected lifespan.
Six scrap dealers bid on the Tower and i congratulated the keenest, Andre Poisson, for his acquisition of 10,100 tonnes of scrap metal for £70,000 which went with me in my suitcase back to Austria.
I waited out the storm, keeping my eyes on newspapers in case Poisson reported the scam but of course those sort of people never do, they had a reputation to uphold and gullible morons hate it when they are shown up as gullible morons so he never reported it.
After six months, i went back to Paris to try the scam again but a couple of the dealers checked with the Government first, was told it was a con and informed the Police so i fled to the U.S. while i could.
The US may be the land of the free but it is also the land of the wonderfully greedy and stupid, i had a box i said would copy money and i would ask for a $100 bill, put it in the machine, and it would soon give two bills in return, both counterfeits, and i would keep the real money.
In the 1930s i came across Al Capone which seems like a good way to get killed quickly, but i tried it anyway. I asked Capone to invest $50,000 in a new company and a few months later, i returned to Capone and said that the plans fell through and was returning all of his money and gave him a sob story about losing all my money but i wanted to make sure he got all of his back and Capone so was touched, he gave me $5,000 to reward me for my honesty.
My luck run out when i used my money copying box on a Texas sheriff, who bought it from me for $1000 but once he realised he had been tricked he pursued me to Chicago where i told him it must be faulty and i gave him his $1000 back in counterfeit money and that's where my problems started.
I was arrested and after escaping from jail using a rope made from bedsheets, i was sent to Alcatraz where i died of 12 years into a 20 year sentence but it is nice to see that the Eiffel Tower is still being used to con people out of money, the French charge tourists 40€ to walk up it, now that's a con.
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