Special Guest Blogger: Egyptian Goddess Isis

To some, marrying your own brother and then recreating the body of your slain brother/husband and using a golden phallus in place of his lost genitals is a bit creepy but this was Egypt and we had no such hang ups about things like that.
My brother was Osiris, who was lord of the underworld and he warred with our other brother, Set, which led to Osiris being trapped in a wooden chest, which he coated in lead and threw into the Nile and declared himself King.
I searched everywhere for him until i eventually found hubby still trapped in his chest so i brought his body back to Egypt, where Set discovered the chest and, furious, hacked his brother into 14 pieces, which he scattered all across the Earth.
Transforming into a bird, and helped by my sister, Nephthys, I was able to discover and reunite the parts of my  dead husband’s body but there was one vital piece that i couldn't find because apparently it had been eaten by a fish.
I rebuilt him anyway and in place of the genitals, i used a golden phallus and gave him temporary life long enough for one last rite which was more fertility than funeral and make use of the golden phallus and get pregnant with Horus. It also gave me somewhere very handy to hang my towels on.
Set obviously came after Horus but i hid with Horus in the marshes of the Nile delta until my son was fully grown and could avenge his father and claim his throne but that wasn't easy, the place was full of snakes and scorpions.
During that final battle between Seth and Horus i accidentally got beheaded but i replaced my original head with that of a cow and cheered him on to kick his uncles arse and became the first ruler of a peaceful united Egypt.
I then settled down to enjoy royal life as the King’s Mother, supported my son and teaching the women of Egypt how to weave, bake, and brew beer.
I was one of the few Egyptian Gods the Greeks took a fancy to, and i even went through to the Romans and had shrines built for me but Cleopatra said she was the personification of me, and following the whole Cleo/Anthony affair, the Roman Senate did its best to rub me out and demolished all my shrines, but you can’t keep a good Goddess down and the Christians happily identified me as the Virgin Mary, the paintings of Mary and the Baby Jesus based on the paintings of me and Horus as a liddle baby.