As the daughter of the King of a Grecian tribe in Epirus, everything was sweet until he died and my Uncle Arymbas took over and shored up his power by marrying me off the new King of Macedonia, Philip II, and his royal household was already crowded with three other queens so as Queen number four i had my work cut out to stand above the others which i did by joining him in the Ancient cult of Cabeiri, which sounds kinky but was more to do with celebrating the Great Gods of Samothrace.
That ingratiated me to him and when i gave birth to a son and heir, that would be Alexander, and then we also had a daughter named Cleopatra, but with a son i was almost the main Queen but the issue i had was that their was another male in line for the throne before him, Arrhidaeus.
I kept a watchful eye on Arrhidaeus and as luck would have it he stupidly ate something someone carelessly slipped into his meal which gave him brain damage and dropped him down a few rungs in the inheritance chain but my husband decided why have 4 wives when you can have 7 and i really didn't like sharing my hubby with younger, more fertile women and the seventh was a native Macedonian and Philip's courtiers began circulated that any sons she bore Philip would get precedence over my liddle Alex.
Philip agreed and after a big bust up i left him and took Alexander and Cleopatra back to Epirus where my brother Alexander I, was now ruling but my husband was a douchebag of the highest order and signed a marriage deal for Cleopatra with none other than King Alexander I of Epirus, Cleopatra’s Uncle.
I bided my time and when everyone who was anyone gathered to celebrate the nuptials of my brother and his niece, the happy father of the bride could see that i wasn't happy and if my evil glares didn't show it, the guard i paid to stab him between the ribs certainly did.
Immediately after hubby demise, the Kingdom pondered if my Alex was the rightful heir as the next king as wife 7 had two babies who could argue the case, or they might have if they hadn't been brutally murdered by a certain mother and son team and wife 7 was so grief stricken she killed herself so with Alex now undisputed King and me the official Kings mother, i could kick back and relax as Alex got married to a lovely girl called Roxana who had a boy they called Alex junior, but i wasn't ready to embrace a lifestyle of idly sitting on my arse talking gossip with the neighbors so i just caused more mayhem.
As Queen Mother to Alexander the Great, i kept telling him to sack his regent Antipater and i would do his job but then during Alexanders Babylon campaign, things went horribly wrong.
Alexander perished and seeing my cushy job slipping away as the country tried to decide between crowning Alexander’s baby heir or his dullard half-brother Arrhidaeus as the next ruler, the decision was to be made by my old pal Antipater's son, Cassander, and he picked the brain damaged Arrhidaeus to be the new king.
I did what any self respecting ex-Queen Mother would do and marched into Macedonia with a few heavilly armed friends and gave Arrhidaeus the respect his role afforded by executing him but his wife, Adea Eurydice, i offered a choice of dying by poison, hanging or stabbing herself with a sword.
She chose the noose and then i went after Cassander but he was in hiding so i captured and executed his brother and in return he kidnapped both my grandson Alexander Jnr and Roxana and then drove the knife home by executing them both.
He swore he would spare my life if i surrendered and to be fair he never killed me, instead he rounded up the family members of all the people i had hurt while in power, and they were all too happy to stone me to death and wipe out the line of Alexander the Great.
So if anything, my tale should be a warning for two of life's great truths, the first being to not let your sex stand in your way of fighting for what you believe and secondly it is a really good idea to avoid marrying people you could go halfsies with on your relatives birthday presents.
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