What we also had then was a far more chattier God, it was him who told me to travel to Canaan to claim it for his people when i was a sprightly 75 year old so me, wife and/or sister Sarah and my nephew Lot went there but it was a dump so we went to Egypt instead but the Pharaoh took a liking to my wife/sister Sarah but God put paid to that pervy little game by afflicting Pharaoh and his household with plagues so they kicked us out.
God you see, had promised us the land for his chosen people and also declared that Sarah would have a child and then also that all men would need to be circumcised so that was a painful couple of weeks, maybe i should have asked for a few weeks between these things as or at least until things were a little less tender.
Not far from where we pitched up was the town of Sodom and Gomorrah, it was a cesspool of filth and degradation and Lot and his new wife would go there quite a bit and report back how awful it was and i knew God was planning something and i said give it a chance, it can't be that bad but it's hard to negotiate with a man who had nine generations earlier wiped out almost everyone on Earth and he smote it good.
There were no more worries about the neighbours i guess but unfortunately, Lot's wife was unable to resist watching the the destruction and was transformed into a pillar of salt. God knows why he did that, seriously, only he knew.
For a 90 year old, Sarah was a bit of a babe and King Abimelech of the Philistine's took a shine to her but God once again stepped in and said if he made a move for her he would kill him as she was married. He said he thought she was Abraham's sister which she was, but as i explained 'she is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother and she is also my wife'. Nothing complicated about that.
So Sarah became pregnant with a boy, Isaac, and after all that God then said to offer the boy as a sacrifice and just as i was about to slit his throat, the big galoot said 'Just kidding, i was testing your loyalty'.
As i had him all trussed up and was about to slit his throat, Christmases at our house would have been frosty to say the least but thankfully, Christmas hadn’t been invented yet.
Wife and/or Sister Sarah died aged 127, and after her death i was heartbroken so took another wife, a concubine named Keturah, by whom we had six more sons before i died at a relatively young 175 so i died young and left a beautiful corpse, oh, and God's chosen people obviously.
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