Special Guest Blogger: Mademoiselle de Maupin

We all think of women as quiet and fair people but history is full of some pretty amazing and curious ladies who kicked some serious derriere, so 'What could be done to improve feminism?' is a question that nobody has never, ever asked but if they did, i'd tell them to bring back the era of the arse-kicking females dressed as men.
The history books are full of women who could arrange a vase of flowers and then beat you to death with it, for instance me, a French dueler who grew up at the Grand Stables at Versailles, Europe’s flashiest palace with my father who worked for the Comte d'Armagnac.
My fathers main skills were fencing, drinking and sleeping with women and he taught me everything he knew about all three, spending my childhood learning how to ride a horse like a man, fence like a man and dress up like a man so as not to raise suspicion and i got so good that i could beat anyone in a fencing match.
Then, at the age of 14, i started having an affair with my father’s boss and just before we were to wed i promptly got bored and took a new lover who i married instead, a knight named Sieur de Maupin before deciding the only thing he was good for was his name so i took that and decided men were overrated.
I abandoned him and seduced a merchant’s daughter and began my first lesbian affair which in 17th Century France took some balls, so to speak, it was time when women could get into trouble for showing too much ankle or knowing how to think for themselves so my girlfriends family hid their daughter away in a convent to avoid the scandal but that didn't stop me, i simply joined the convent to continue the affair.
I hit upon the wheeze of faking our own deaths so dragged a corpse of a dead nun into our bedchamber, and then burned the convent down to create the illusion that we were both killed in the fire but the ruse failed to trick the authorities, who charged me with kidnapping, body snatching, and arson but the judges refused to believe a woman had kidnapped a nun and burned down a convent, so they said i couldn't have done it and released me.
I then decided the convent and lesbianism was boring, so i eloped with my fencing instructor and swashbuckled my way to Marseille, earning a living performing amazing fencing demonstrations.
During our performances, i would sing and challenge the audience to duel against me but as i was wearing men clothes, many refused to believe that i was a woman as no woman could possibly fence so well, a rumor i dispelled by tearing off my blouse and flashing my boobs at the audience, a move that occasionally got me a few lovers and also an offer from the Opera de Marseilles, for my voice that is, not for my exposed boobs, and i began a career as an opera star.
It was at the opera that i met Madame la Marquise de Florensac, a wealthy noblewoman and we were happy for two years before la Marquise died of a fever and i retired from the opera and joined a convent for real and died at 33, having done more in half of a lifetime than most people could with their full lives.