Special Guest Blogger: Allah

I have never been one of those Gods who thinks they should appear on bits of toast or in the grain of doors to prove my existence, there are far better ways then putting my face on a cubicle door in the toilet of the Brighton branch of Ikea which just goes to show that i am the only true God, all others being false and fake. And definitely no pictures, please.
I have my own Holy Book of rules and regulations known as the Koran, or Qur’an, which i dictated to my prophet Muhammad via an angel and the boy did good, there are over 1.6 billion of my followers now but i always had a soft spot for academics, the first thing i created was the intellect and said that a scholar is worth a thousand ignorant worshipers and the ink of scholars is holier than the blood of martyrs.
The name ‘Allah’ is simply the Arabic word for God which might get a bit confusing but i do have lots of other titles, over three thousand of them but a thousand are only known to angels but Muslims believe that i am the deity known as Yahweh and/or Jehovah who is also worshiped by Jews and Christians so you can see where the confusion comes into it.
Islam is one of the youngest of the religions, we never got our act together until the 7th Century so there is a bit of crossover between mine and the Christian beliefs such as the first human Adam made from clay and a woman made from his side, the six days earth building exercise and me resting on the seventh, it is similar but if you have any queries with that, speak to the God of your choice, not me.
The big difference is Christians have ten commandments of which the people of Christendom must follow to be allowed into the kingdom of Heaven, we have 70 major sins to avoid and a whole plethora of minor ones that can be totted up to a major one although i didn't actually explain what the minor ones were.
The main bone of Christian contention appears to be that Muslims deny the divinity of Jesus but in fact Jesus does get a very good press in the Muslim world, being regarded as a top prophet along with Moses, and of course Muhammad himself, couldn't leave that little dude out.
My list of big no-nos for Muslims includes at number 50 'Treating others unjustly' will get you kicked out of paradise as well as 'offending people and having an arrogant attitude toward them' and 'arguing and disputing violently'.
Another major sin is 'not protecting oneself from urine' so don't get caught short but above all don't forget to keep mentioning that Islam is a religion of peace and if those Western infidels don't agree, well, maybe a week of rioting, killing and arson will make them change their minds.
Peace be with you.