Special Guest Blogger: Saint Marina the Monk

As the child of wealthy parents, i didn't want for anything but after my mother died my very devout Christian father raised me and as i approached marriageable age, my father intended to find me a husband and then retire to the Monastery of Qannoubine in the Kadisha Valley of Lebanon.
When i learned of his plan i asked why can't i live as a monk with him and he explained as monks are men it literally took balls to become a monk and i didn't own a pair of them so i hatched a plan and shaved my head, changed into men's clothes and called myself Marinos and he was like all whatever, Monks wear baggy robes and aren't in the habit of poking about at each other's genitals so took me with him to the monastery.
The other monks never suspected i wasn't male and attributed my soft voice to long periods of prayer so i got away with it pretty easily for a while and all was sweet up until my father died and i was given more responsibility by the Abbot such as attending business with other monasteries in the area.
One day, the Abbot sent me to attend to some business in another region but as the journey was long, i was to spend the night at an inn.
That night, the only other lodger was a soldier of the eastern Roman front who disappeared into the room of the inn keeper's daughter, seduced her several times from what i could hear through the thin walls, and as neither of them used protection because it hadn't been invented yet, instructing her to say that if she got pregnant, then to blame the cute young smooth-faced monk monk down the hall.
As it turns out she was and she did blame me and the Abbot banished me from the Monastery and i could have explained that anatomically it couldn't have been me but my mouth, unlike the innkeepers daughters legs, stayed firmly shut and i decided to take responsibility for the baby and the monastery expelled me for getting a woman pregnant and i lived outside the gates as a beggar taking care of the kid.
The other monks convinced the Abbot to allow me to return as long as i did all the cooking, cleaning and carrying water in addition to regular monastic duties and caring for the child which i did until i became ill and died.  
The Abbot ordered that my body be cleaned, my clothes changed and that i be transferred to the church for prayers and it was while they were undressing me for burial they made a discovery which made them feel like dicks, or rather not feeling one, which alerted them that i was a woman, so no penis and therefore no pregnancy
I have not yet been assigned anything to be patron saint of but there is talk of me becoming the saint of something called the LBGT community which as far as i am aware is women who like a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich only they have a little extra gherkin.