Saturday, 13 November 2021

Special Guest Blogger: St. Homobonus

Jesus was no fan of Capitalism, saying to his disciples: 'Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven' and then went off on a tangent about humped desert animals and needles and the Bible contains many mentions poo-pooing money and material gain so the underlying theme is that if you are a Capitalist, God and Jesus hates you so with this in mind, one of the leading capitalists to emerge in Europe was me and i'm a Saint.
I was born Omobono Tucenghi in Italy but i was proud to gain the Latin name Homobonus due to being a Homo (good) Bonus (man) and i was very much a homo man, actually such a massive homo man that people still speak about me today especially in the business world because i was not only a successful homo man but also an awesome businessman and am now the patron saint of business people, tailors, shoemakers and cloth-workers.
My family were very wealthy and i took over from my father in the world of tailoring but i had the idea of instead of spending hours hunched over a smock sewing it myself, just sell the cloth and let the people do it themselves and they did, i didn't even have to stitch the cloth together.
Soon i had more money than i knew what to spend it on, there are only so many top of the range horse and carts you can own so i retired and began on my life of being even more homo by giving it away to the Church and the poor, share the wealth i always say.
Apart from spending the day doing many homo things, i would frequently partake in the Eucharist every day and was famous for really getting into it but one day while attending the mass i felt a pain in my chest and i collapsed back onto the floor arms outstretched and the attendees present thought nothing of it, just assumed i was prostrating myself in the form of a cross looking up at the statue of Jesus on the wall but i was actually dying but they weren't to know until i was still there in the same position the next morning.
I am often depicted clutching a money bag, showing my huge homo side but if you want to meet me personally then my head is preserved in the church of Saint Giles in Cremona because you know...Catholics.

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