What with the bankers royally doing us over to the tune of a couple of hundred billion a few years ago, the country has been on its uppers ever since and after almost a decade of austerity, the Government are still having to make large cuts and now thanks to 52% of Brits, we also have Brexit to deal with and the economic fallout from that so Britain is having to find new ways to raise funds.
As nobody seems to be charging around making a record for us, we are forced into more extreme measures but thankfully i have hit upon a solution.
Britain was once a hotbed of inventiveness, back in the Victorian era it was us Brits who came up with most of the things we use today and as far as i am aware, we never copyrighted any of it so now is the time to charge the people of other nations for using the things that we invented.
Anyone with a light bulb cough up, is that a telephone i hear ringing? Another British invention so make out the cheque and don't even think about flushing that toilet before paying and how much toilet paper did you just use, we are charging per square for that particular invention.
Vacuum cleaner in the hallway cupboard? Just allow five working days for that cheque to clear before using it again thanks.
All this causing a bit of a headache? Try an aspirin, after paying Britain for it of course.
Need a holiday? Going by train? That train going over a bridge? Reading a comic on the journey? Britain says kerching!!
Maybe you can watch some TV to take your mind off how much you owe us Brits. American Express will do nicely Sir what with us inventing the TV and everything.
Problem solved, austerity over and as you are reading this you must be on that other British invention the World Wide Web so you will be automatically billed, thank you and it has been nice doing business with you.