Saturday, 3 December 2016

War Against Christmas

Christians call it the reason for the season which means up until Jesus was born we only had Summer, Autumn and Spring but putting aside their lack of basic planetary science, the more religious amongst us have been rattling their rosary beads in annoyance that the Christ part of Christmas is being forgotten and the Prime Minister agrees, saying that we should no longer tolerate a situation in which people are afraid to mention Christmas.      
She has a point, the Tesco by me has the words 'CHRISTMAS' in six foot high red letters in their window, just imagine how big they would be if they wasn't afraid to mention it.
Despite the Christmas Trees in every office and enough tinsel decking the halls to reach Pluto, my colleagues and i at work have to lock ourselves in a cupboard and post a guard in order to discuss arrangements for the Office Christmas meal.
It’s a symbolic victory for Christmas that we are going out to celebrate Christmas at all, or to give it the proper name now that we dare not seem to mention Christmas anymore, the 'Midwinter celebration of the Earth tilting to at the optimum angle to create minimum daylight lunch'. 
The Prime Minister is right though that nobody mentions Christmas anymore, in the Shopping Centre today only 90% of the shops staff wore Christmas jumpers or elf hats under banners proclaiming 'Christmas Special Offers' while asking me if i want a bag while Wizard wished it was a Christmas Everyday and Wham tunefully told us about what they did with their heart Last Christmas. 
'We want to ensure people are able to speak quite freely about Christmas' said the PM and i agree, we should be proud and celebrate Christianity and all that it stands for, minus the stoning gays to death and the whole God thing because that's just ridiculous.

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