Saturday, 17 December 2016

Little Saint Nick

We all know bits and pieces about Saint Nicholas, the man who threw some coins down a chimney which landed in a sock and set in motion the story of the jolly fat guy in the red suit who would replace his boss's kid as the face of Christmas.
The Beach Boys may have called him Little Saint Nick and according to experts they got that right as he was only a tiddly 5ft tall. 
Not only is he the patron saint of sex workers but according to a reliable source, the St Nicholas Centre, he was able to stand unaided at one week old and refused to breastfeed on the holy fasting days of Friday and Wednesday.
In 325AD he settled an argument with a Bishop about Jesus being as holy as God by punching him in the face for which Nick was thrown into jail where Mary appeared to him and gave him a Bible.
He also brought back to life three children who had been hacked to death seven years previously and when he died he was buried in Turkey until 1087 when a group of Italians decided his remains would be much better served in Christian Italy so broke into his tomb and dragged what was left of him back to Bari where he (well, a few bits of bone) remain today.
As his bones are said to leak a sweet smelling liquid, this is mixed with holy water and sold for £160 for a 2 ltr bottle so you too can feel close to the man who broke a holy mans nose in the name of  peace and goodwill.
If you do buy the holy water and dead Turk cocktail, just don't drink it on a Wednesday or Friday, Nicholas wouldn't like that.


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