Fun On Halloween Night

Although those in power won't admit it, invoking demons is a relatively simple exercise and although virgins blood and pentagons makes for good stories, all you actually need is a mirror, an incantation and a couple of hand gestures.
Halloween night, when the veil is thinnest, is perfect so this year rather than go for one of the big names why not try for one of the lesser known demons, Forneus for example. 
The Dictionnaire Infernal written in 1818 by French demonologist Jacques Auguste Simon Collin de Plancy describes Forneus as a Great Marquis of Hell with twenty-nine legions of demons under his rule who will grant great friendship, loved by friends and foes alike as well as reveal all things, past, present and future and will be free to walk amongst men on the Earth once he has reaped
100,000 souls.
To summon a demon you just need to look into a mirror once it is dark but before midnight and say 'I invoke you, ye glorious regal and majestic holy one in mighty splendour!' followed by the name of the demon you wish to summon so for Forneus, you say 'I invoke you, ye glorious regal and majestic holy one in mighty splendour! Forneus!' and then hold up left your hand to face the mirror and clench it three times.
Forneus, who whoever you summon, will appear before you in the mirror and ask you what you desire.
While some demons are evil, others are kind and benevolent such as Forneus, so feel free to look away or even leave the room for a while, he won't seize upon your absence with malicious glee, clawing his way out of the mirror, tasting sweet release from the confines of the mirror, hungering for your terror and suffering and stealing away your soul and dragging it back with him into Hell or anything like that.
In this age of waning superstition, not enough people are getting interested summoning demons, and the knowledge of them is in danger of being lost and people like Forneus need your help to reach their goal of 100,000 'helped' souls.
Maybe people like Forneus have decided they need to get the word out a bit more, do a bit of networking, attract some new people, handsomely pay a blogger to post a quick dictated tutorial and post it on the Internet and see how many bites he gets.
If you are reading this and have got down this far then your interest has been obviously piqued and i'm sure there are plenty of intrepid adventurers among you with burning questions about the present or future you'd like answered.
Internet users are a smart bunch, you know the pitfalls and wouldn't fall into any of the obvious traps, right? You'd know if an evil being was pretending to be helpful and benevolent in order to steal your soul.
You're not just any old person, you got smarts and remember you need no protection whatsoever, certainly no candles or salt circles or bibles, just you and... Oh, excuse me just a moment Lucy, I think I hear someone calling me...soul 998,812 'helped' coming up.

Sweet Child O Mine - Guns N Roses

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 1 and therefore the best song ever recorded, we have Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses (1988).

The outstanding Sweet Child O'Mine' ticks every box and is the perfect song, beginning with Slash, has a magnificent Slash solo in the middle and ends with the maestro with Axl Rose going on about his baby's blue eyes and pretty smile and throwing in a few 'woah oh, oh, oh's' before ending with even more Slash which goes to show that great love songs do not have to be mushy ballads and can contain arse kicking guitar solos. By Slash preferably.
The song ends as a different one to which it started although the rumour is that they didn't know how to end the song so they just chanted 'where do we go now' over and over again.
That the debut Guns N Roses album it came from, 'Appetite for Destruction' also contained 'Welcome to the Jungle' and 'Paradise City' and they left off for future albums 'November Rain" and 'Don't Cry' because they had already agreed to put "Sweet Child 'O Mine" on it as the ballad on the album meant that they were always going to be massive as long as they didn't implode in a drugs and drink frenzy first.
Something which did go bang was bass player Duff McKagan's pancreas which exploded due to too much alcohol and and it doesn't get much more rock and roll than your bodies internal organs rebelling and trying to blow themselves up but that was Guns N Roses, they were always drunk, mostly high but always brilliant and if nothing else they left us with the best song ever made since that first person pulled a vine tightly across a plank of wood and plucked it.

Astaroth's Game

Prayeth, f'r devils has't nay reason,
Astaroth waits to beshrew thy ways,
Has't thee wond'r'd if lucif'r laughing at which hour the daemon plays?
Johann Weyer (1577) - 'Astaroth's Game'

In his 1577 book, Pseudomonarchia Daemonum, Dutch demonologist Johann Weyer describes something called 'Astaroth's Game' where he sets out a way for mortals to speak with a Grand Duke of Hell, Astaroth.
You may wonder why would anyone with a working brain cell would want to do that but the desperate may consider it worthwhile because he knows things and as one of the more higher on the demon scale, he's got a supernatural advantage over the kind of knowledge any human would be able to obtain.
As one of the Princes of Darkness, he doesn't just go around just giving out information but his does have a penchant for games which is why there's a certain game he will partake in to try to win the information you need as Weyer explains .
In order to contact him, between 10pm and 2am, you'll need a mirror for Astaroth to appear in when you summon him but there are some precaution you must take first, demons are notoriously untrustworthy.

Weyer says: 'Surroundeth the mirr'r with an unbroken circle of salt 'r chalk 'r if 't be true the mirr'r is hanging on a mure (wall) 'r doth'r, did lie down a semicircle 'round 't instead, making sure yond the salt touches the mure (wall) at both ends. 
Setteth up a candle outside of thy circle ('r semicircle) and did shut all doth'rs (doors) to the cubiculo (room) and turneth off all of the lights, so yond the space is did light only by the candles.  Visage the mirr'r and stareth deeply into 't, sayeth aloud 3 times 'Astaroth - giveth me thy secret' and closeth thy eyes and counteth to ten.  Then ope those folk'.

If all has gone correctly, you will see your own reflection but you are actually looking Astaroth who will be looking back at you through the mirror with his own eyes which will be completely black.
He will then initiate the conversation by asking you what it is you desire from him which you reply 'I wisheth to dare thee in a game of question-and-response' which he will accept.
The general rules to the game are very simple, he'll begin by asking you a question (he always initiates the game) which could be anything from a piece of obscure trivia to the extremely personal but he won't even tell you whether you got the answer right or wrong and that's where the gamble comes in.

As Weyer explains: 'That Astaroth shall at this moment giveth thee a questioneth yond thee has't some knowledge of, yond thee bethink haply thee knoweth the answ'r to but aren't very much confident. f'rcing thee to obsess ov'r wheth'r 'r not thee can trusteth the inf'rmation yond that gent then gaveth thee and beest torment'd by feareth as thee realizeth yond thy fate rests entirely upon wheth'r 'r not thee w're able to c'rrectly answ'r that gent'.

After you've answered his question, you get to ask him one in return and here's where the consequences of your previous response come in. If you answered his last question correctly, he will respond to your question as honestly and accurately as he is able. However, if you answered it incorrectly, he is free to lie to you as he sees fit and he'll feed you the most insidious, damaging lie he can come up with.

Finally, when you've gotten the information you wanted or you end the ritual by saying 'thank ye for accepting thy requesteth', and then you will be looking at your own reflection again. Only when you are absolutely certain that you're looking into your own two eyes again may you turn away from the mirror, flick the lights back on, and begin dismantling your protections.

One final word of warning from Weyer, 'proce'd with caution this game f'r the timeth with Astaroth is sh'rt but the consequences couldst lasteth thee a lifetime'.


Please Note: The blog owner has provided this post for information only and as such bears no responsibility for any consequences that may come from making use of this information. 

Hotel California - The Eagles

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 2 we have Hotel California by The Eagles (1976).

Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull once said, with his tongue firmly embedded in his cheek, that he liked the tune to Hotel California and he wished that he had written it in the knowledge that anyone who has heard his 'We Used To Know', knew that he actually did.
Music plagiarism aside, the lyrics of the song have always been subject of debate with interpretations of the song ranging from drug use to Devil worship.
The band have explained that the song is about the trappings of fame and fortune which is much more boring but i ignore that and in my mind it's about a hotel out in the desert where you can check out but never leave.
What started out as a reggae tune (the working title was Mexican Reggae), it evolved into one of the best six and a half minutes of music with great lyrics which paint a picture in your mind while the guitar riff runs throughout the song before it breaks out into that amazing two minute extended dual guitar solo at the end of the song between Don Felder and Joe Walsh which annoyingly usually gets cut off on the radio and misses out the last minute when the guitars combine and the double drumbeat kicks in.
There was once an advert running for the Eagles Greatest Hits album and was advertised as being by 'the greatest band to come out of America' which is a bold statement considering that America is responsible for almost every decent band that has graced the world stage in my lifetime but they certainly performed the greatest song about a Hotel.

I Don't Want To Grow Up - Ramones

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 3 we have I Don't Want To Grow Up by the Ramones (1985).

As there are only seven basic notes there are only a set number of ways to go from one to another, at some point there will come a day when all the music it's possible to write has been written but the Ramones foresaw this problem and just made all their songs the same tune.
All their songs had a similar pace, length and sound to them but they took Tom Waits turgid 'I Don't Want To Grow Up' and gave it the Ramones treatment and created a thumpingly brilliant version, one of those rare moments where the copy not only surpasses the original but becomes the definitive version of that song.
If ever there was a song which had a theme that i could support it is not growing up and listing the reasons why not before ending on the stinging line 'How the hell did it get here so soon' which is my lament every birthday.
If you don't find yourself nudging up the volume button before sliding across the kitchen on your knees while playing air guitar when this comes on the radio then you are a grown up already and it's too late for you.
I do sometimes briefly wonder why i have not followed other friends of the same age who had fallen into liking more mellow, grown up music but that only lasts few seconds as i pick up the guitar, whack the gain up on the amp and blast out 'When I'm lyin' in my bed at night, I don't wanna grow up' until someone comes banging on the bedroom door telling me to turn that bloody racket down and it's like being a teenager again, only with less pimples and shiny shoes.

Rock And Roll - Led Zeppelin

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 4 we have Rock And Roll by Led Zeppelin (1971).

As with most Led Zeppelin songs, this one lifts the tune from another song, Little Richards 'Keep A Knockin' but they do make a decent fist of it so let's be charitable and say that this song was inspired by the other song.
Jimmy Page straight faced that they wrote the song to answer the critics that they were going soft so wrote something ass kicking, an animal, powerful thing which they did because this song is all those things.
The frantic drumming, the brilliant riffs and the very up tempo pace makes for a great tune and far superior to the Little Richard song which Bonham was playing on the drums before Page began jamming along and the tried and trusted Zeppelin moment of realisation that nobody would notice and recorded it with Plants lyrics.    
You do have to hand it to the Zeppelin guys, they may have a reckless disregard for other people copyright but they do make a brilliant job of it.

Who Would Have Thought Fracking Causes Earthquakes

Regardless of the evidence that amongst other drawbacks, Fracking causes earthquakes, the Government in their wisdom has after a pause in 2011 following a 1.7 quake for seismic research allowed fracking to continue in Lancashire once again and 11 days later the fracking has been paused once again after a 0.4 tremor was followed by one of 0.8.
Cuadrilla has said that it was only 'tiny movements' and local residents have nothing to fear and nobody is in danger which subtly overlooks that what they are doing is causing earthquakes regardless of the size.
The British Geological Survey (BGS) said that 'any process that injects pressurised water into rocks at depth will cause the rock to fracture can result in earthquake activity' and that's even before we get to cases of where the local water tables are poisoned and in cases in the USA where fracking is much more widespread, gas leaking into the drinking supply causing tap water to ignite.
The Government justified their decision to continue fracking by saying if successful, it would lead to tens of thousands of jobs, make a very significant contribution to the exchequer and reduce emissions'.
All very significant and worth remembering by Lancastrians when their tap water is set alight and their houses are shaken to bits.

Teenage Kicks - The Undertones

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 6 we have Teenage Kicks by The Undertones (1978).

With a riff so sharp you could grate cheese on it, us Brits should hang our collective heads in shame that one of the greatest records ever made, only crept to number 31 in the music charts.
The guitar shifting up and down just the three chords through the verses is so catchy it's almost so simple to be an insult to all other songs but that's what makes punk so brilliantly effective, you didn't need to have the fretboard skills of Slash or Jimi Hendrix to create a masterpiece.
Radio 1 DJ John Peel was such a fan of this song that he said he had the opening lyrics inscribed on his gravestone and although the song is one of the most enduring from the Punk era, John O'Neill, Undertones guitarist and writer of the song explained that he had three chords and tried to write a Buzzcocks style song with them and the rest is the best number 31 we have ever had in the British Charts.

British Businessman With Injunction Named In Parliament

And the British Business alleged to have bullied, racially and sexually abused his staff and then paid over half a million pounds to try and cover it up is....Philip Green.
Lord Peter Hain identified him in the Lords saying it was his duty to name him given the "serious and repeated" nature of the allegations.
Take a bow Mr Green because no longer will you be remembered just for the BHS stitch up where you paid yourself a dividend of £1.3bn, mainly financed by increasing BHS debts to £1bn which sucked the retailer under and left 11,000 workers out of a job and reduced the pensions of many ex-workers as now you will be remembered for this also, so well done. 
As the chairman of Arcadia Group, a retail empire that includes Topshop, Topman, Wallis, Evans, Miss Selfridge and Dorothy Perkins he faced a boycott of his stores before over sweatshop conditions, tax avoidance and paying under the minimum wage so now he has been named as an alleged repeated sex offender and racist, i don't think his spreadsheet will make good reading at the end of the financial year.
So couldn't happen to a nicer man and you can almost hear the Honours Forfeiture Committee grinding into action because Sir Philip Green will soon become plain old Mr Green and once the court is through with him, if convicted, he will be Prisoner Green we hope.

Anarchy In The UK - Sex Pistols

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 6 we have Anarchy In The UK by The Sex Pistols (1976).

From the first snarl of Johnny's 'right now' through to his growling 'Destroy' three and a half minutes later, the song just hits every button as the ultimate punk song.
It's angry, loud and Rotton spits the words with disdain while Steve Jones pounding guitar with the double strum on the end of each line of lyrics and the original bass player Glen Matlock kick starting the whole punk era with this little ditty about bringing Anarchy to the UK.
I was too young for the original punk explosion but what The Sex Pistols did in 12 months, one album and a handful of singles changed music forever and very much for the better as punk has never truly gone away since the Sex Pistols spat, shocked and swore their way to an impressive legacy.

Naming The UK Businessman With The Injunction

All we know so far is that a British businessman has paid £500,000 for a Super injunction and a team of seven lawyers to  stop the Daily Telegraph from naming him in connection to paying five alleged victims substantial sums for sexual and racial abuse.
The Daily Telegraph reported on Wednesday a senior executive in a company group had an injunction against the newspaper which means they are unable to print the businessman's identity or to identify the companies, as well as what he is accused of doing or how much he paid his alleged victims.
The Daily Telegraph said that 'like Harvey Weinstein, the British businessman used controversial non-disclosure agreements (NDAs), to silence and pay off his alleged victims' but there is a fly in the ointment in the shape of MP Jess Phillips who has said NDAs should not be used 'where there are accusations of sexual misconduct and wider bullying' and has threatened to use Parliamentary Privilege to name the man accussed.
The Labour MP said that she was 'done with rich men using our laws to hide victims away' and after calling for claimants in the case to contact her, she said she did not yet know the man’s identity and so could not yet reveal it in Parliament.
Parliamentary privilege was used previously to reveal the existence of super-injunctions granted to former Royal Bank of Scotland chief Fred Goodwin and name Ryan Giggs as the footballer who gagged press reports on his extra-marital affair so it looks as though the £500,000 the business spent to keep his name out the papers was well and truly wasted because in days we will all know and his roof will well and truly collapse in on him after all.

update: Philip Green outed by Parliament

Theresa May Waiting For The Removal Van

If i had a pound for every time Theresa May has been on the verge of being thrown out of power then i could retire and live out my days on a deserted island where i wouldn't have to hear about Theresa May being thrown out of power every day but alas i haven't so instead it's back to waiting to see if the removal van turns up outside Number 10 today.
Mrs May is due to face a grilling from the 1922 Committee tonight who are the decision makers in who runs the Conservatives and if things go bad for her and they don't consider her up to the job any longer then the starting pistol will be fired on the contest for who will be the next Conservative leader and by default, our Prime Minister.  
The signs are not looking good as already there have been some distasteful social media postings from her won side telling her to 'bring a noose', that 'she will be dead soon' and how she is entering 'a killing zone' and 'assassination is in the air'.
Most importantly, unhappy Tory MP's are predicting that they are very close to the 48 required letters to spark the no confidence vote and if Mrs May doesn't convince them she is the woman for the job, the few remaining required letters will be posted.
It's exactly the way it all ended for Margaret Thatcher but whether we have the same scene of a tearful Prime Minister gazing out of the back window of a taxi as it pulls away we will find out shortly.

Only You - The Platters

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 7 we have Only You by The Platters (1955).

The sublime ballad 'Only You' is the ultimate love song, sung brilliantly by Tony Williams who for me is unmatched in music for sheer brilliance in the vocal talent department.
The piano, the wispy sound of the drum brushes and the rest of the group singing soft backing vocals make this a perfect celebration of being in love and being with someone you cherish.
Incredibly the song was the B-side to 'The Great Pretender' before it become a hit in its own right and become one of the those songs that the budding singers on X Factor avoid as 'too big' although that never stopped Ringo Starr having a go at it which if you have been fortunate enough to not hear, is as terrible as you imagine.

Want Sauce With That Plastic?

You what you eat and what we are eating is plastic according to a trial at the Medical University of Vienna who found tiny shreds of it in the digestive systems of people from eight different countries including the UK.
Theories  given for why plastic is being ingested by humans include from plastic eating fish, drinking out of plastic bottles, eating food that’s been wrapped in plastic and tiny plastic particles floating in the air which then land on our food.
The scientists couldn't tell if ingesting plastic is causing any internal damage to our bodies but there is evidence that plastic is absorbed through the stomach and accumulates in the internal organs of animals so probably is the answer to that question.
If the knowledge that our food is literally killing us isn't the wake up call that we need to cut out plastic and stop littering the planet with the stuff then we are even more dense then we already think we are.

More Nukes Needed For America

It is is generally acknowledged that if you are a man and have a little penis then you buy a big car or in America, a big gun and as we know the current Presidents genitals are teeny tiny so it is no surprise that he is keen on owning the biggest weapon of all, nuclear weapons.
That he once asked during a foreign policy briefing why if the United States had nuclear weapons why couldn't they use them is worrying enough but he already has 6,800 nukes which is enough weapons to destroy the world 10 times over at his disposal and is trying to justify a new nuclear build-up by pointing to China.
So if 6,800 missiles isn't enough for Trump and Putin's Russia has said they would match new US weapons, warhead for warhead, why is he firing a starting gun in a second global arms race?
Last year he threatened to 'completely destroy' North Korea because it had the temerity to build atomic bombs and Trump double standards also extends to Iran upon who he imposed extreme US sanctions despite its adherence to the multilateral nuclear deal that Trump idiotically junked earlier this year.
Usually this would be dismissed as an exercise in willy waving but as Stormy Daniels has told us, he can't as nobody would be able to see it so instead he has plumped for further ruining the US economy for more weaponry they don't need as that seems to be a vote winner for Trump and his useful idiot supporters.

Stairway To Heaven - Led Zeppelin

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 8 we have Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin (1971).

I once saw an interview with Jimmy Page who went through the process in fine detail of how he wrote the tune to 'Stairway To Heaven' and not once did he mention him directly swiping it from the song Taurus by Spirit.
The song doesn't really get going until John Bonham's drum kicks in around halfway, until then it's an acoustic guitar playing Taurus, a recorder and Robert Plant singing and then Jimmy Page belatedly plugs in his guitar and everything brilliantly shifts up a couple of gears and you wish they had done that two minutes earlier.
Some would argue that the soft start sets up the more harder ending but i'd say cut two minutes off the 'boring' bit and get to the brilliant bit quicker although i will grudgingly admit that the best lyrics about a lady who's sure that all that glitters is gold and seeing rings of smoke through the trees are in the first bit.

Johnny B Goode - Chuck Berry

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 9 we have Johnny B Goode by Chuck Berry (1958).

Despite being lifted by a 1946 song by Louis Jordan suspiciously sexist 'Ain't That Just Like a Woman', the guitar intro to 'Johnny B Goode' is as good as an intro gets and the song was quite rightly chosen to represent Humans on the Voyager Space Mission so if any alien life finds it they will think those funny looking humans on that blue planet can't be all bad and not obliterate us. 
By all accounts he was a massive sleaze in life but if we put that to one side and concentrate on his music, he was one of the greats even if all his songs had a similar sound to them.
Berry's influence on rock music is undeniable, and Johnny B Goode is his signature tune and the character turned up in other Berry songs although none had the impact of Johnny B Goode which was voted the top Guitar Songs of All Time by Rolling Stone magazine and is now number 9 in Lucy's Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians.

Trump And The INF

Far be it from me to defend US President Donald Trump over his decision to remove America from the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty (INF), so i won't.
Whether it's the dead cat strategy to remove the spotlight of his woefully weak defence of the Saudi Arabians over the killing of the journalist in the Saudi Consulate in Turkey or whether he generally feels he is being constrained by the inability to create medium range missiles i don't know but it is nice to see everyone piling into him yet again.
Mikhail Gorbachev, who signed the INF treaty with then-US President Ronald Reagan, says Washington’s move to withdraw from it is 'a mistake” and 'narrow-minded', while Germany said the decision will have 'consequences' and was 'regrettable'.
Russia said it was 'a very dangerous step' which if i was of a mind to defend Donald Trump, i would point out was a bit rich considering that in 2007, Russian president Vladimir Putin declared the INF treaty no longer served Russia's interests and withdrew them from it.
Of course i am as keen as anyone to see the racist sex pest in the White House be on the end of the another global kicking for being an imbecile so boo, hiss etc etc at the third fattest American President with a penchant for porn stars and golden showers, get him out and so on.

Different Faces In The New Space Race

The Space Race was originally between the USA and USSR but since the USA landed on the Moon in 1969 the momentum has gone out of Space Exploration but now it's back on but rather than nations it's between billionaires, namely Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Richard Branson.
Filling the void left by Government funding cuts, the three have ambitions for the development of space tourism and developing permanent human settlement on the Moon and even Mars.
Amazon's Jeff Bezos is the Worlds richest man and started Blue Origin in 2000 and aims to create reusable rockets to use for space tourists and aims to sell tickets from next year, for up to $300,000 a trip and set up a permanent human settlement of the Moon.
Paypal founder, Elon Musk, started SpaceX in 2002 and has won contracts to deliver satellites into orbit and to help resupply the ISS but also has it's sights set on sending people into space on commercial flights with it's ultimate goal sending manned flights to Mars and eventually colonise the Red Planet.
Richard Branson founded Virgin Galactic in 2004 with the aim of developing 'space planes' to take space tourists up and away and has started selling tickets for $250,000, and recently Branson said the company: 'will be in space in weeks, not months'.
Considering what we are doing to our Planet, finding ways to escape our own small ball of rock is essential and i don't care which of the three makes the breakthrough but i would prefer it not to be Elon Musk whose recent antics with the British cave diver show that all the money in the World can't buy you class.

Sympathy For The Invaders?

The Ministry of Defence (MoD) is opening an investigation as PTSD and depression amongst veterans of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq has increased by 3.1%.
Defence minister Tobias Ellwood announced the study amid an investigation by The Sunday Times, which has found that 42 current soldiers are believed to have killed themselves this year after suffering mental health problems after involvement in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.
Mr Ellwood said: 'Our armed forces do a magnificent job, and we owe a huge debt of gratitude to each man and woman who has laid their life on the line to keep our country safe' which of course is nonsense and was often repeated at the time as if Iraq and Afghanistan were on the brink of invading Britain.
Iraq was a tissue of lies about Weapons of Mass Destruction which as we knew even before it began never existed and Afghanistan was a war which was sold as removing the oppressive Taliban but they had earlier been made an offer that they would be left in power if they handed over Bin Laden.
Sympathy on a human level for anyone suffering PTSD or depression but only after the majority of the sympathy for the innocent Iraqi's and Afghan's and their families who have died or been maimed by the invading American and UK armies and now have to live with the result of the horrors of what our military's did to them over there for our lying politicians.

Halloween And Christmas Collide

It's that strange time of year where we see zombies, skeletons and witches alongside Santa, red nosed Reindeer's and snowmen in the shops as Halloween meets Christmas.
Today i went five steps from pressing the button on hand of a skeleton which played 'Thriller' to pressing the button of a snowman singing about his dreams of a White Christmas.
Gregg's had two adverts in their window, one for bat shaped cookies and cup cakes with marshmallow eyeballs on them and another for their Festive Bakes (coming to a store near you 9 November).
As Jesus came back from the dead i guess there is a tenuous link between him and Zombies and i understand how the shops want to get the Christmas ball rolling as soon as possible but would it have hurt them, to wait the ten days until Halloween has been and gone and then packed away the creepy stuff and hit us with the cuddly Santa's?

Manic Monday - The Bangles

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 10 we have Manic Monday by The Bangles (1986).

The Boomtown Rats didn't like them, New Order thought them Blue and The Bangles thought they were manic which is a theme echoed all around the World when the alarm clock goes off at the start of the working week.
Written by Prince, the song is all about saying 'Oh bugger it's Monday' with the beautiful Susanna Hoffs singing about her dreams about kissing Valentino by a crystal blue Italian stream being interrupted by having to get up and go to work. 
Just to be different, the riff is on a piano which tinkles away between the lines of lyrics which moan about the first day of the work week and wishing it was still the Weekend, lyrics most people can relate to while they haul themselves to the bathroom and see the yawning bed head staring back at them from the mirror.
One of the most successful all female bands, the Bangles did well to last as long as they did because apparently all was not rosy amongst the band members.

700,000 Demonstrators Can't Be Wrong

Over 700,000 people marched on an anti-Brexit demonstration to say Brexit is a massive pigs ear while at the same time at the pro-Brexit demonstration, 1,200 deluded souls managed to drag themselves along so guess which way Theresa May and her Conservatives are going, yep 
once again the Government finds itself on the wrong side.
Something i hear a lot from the people who want to go full steam ahead with the mistake regardless of the wrecking ball it will swing through the economy is that the vote has been held so we should just suck it up and not demand another referendum as if had they not won the referendum they would have just shrugged and said 'Oh Well, that's democracy for you', they would have been waving their little Union Flag's even more frantically and screaming even louder about immigrants coming over here and taking all their jobs, clogging up the NHS and generally starting  each sentence with 'Im not a racist but...' before saying that sounds suspiciously racist.      
As i didn't vote Conservative it doesn't that mean all us Labour, Liberal and Green Party voters should therefore keep our mouths shut because the Tories won the election so why should be keep silent just because the Brexiteer's got there way in the referendum.
If 48% see a car crash happening in slow motion then we should speak up to alert the 52% who are either too ignorant or too blind to see it so that's what we are doing, screaming loud and clear to Theresa May and her Government that she is driving our nation straight into a massive pile up and for the good of the country JUST STOP NOW!!

Somewhere In My Heart - Aztec Camera

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 11 we have Somewhere In My Heart by Aztec Camera (1988).

Shoulder pads, Rubix Cubes, neon yellow leg warmers and Aztec Camera. If you cut this song in half it would have 'eighties' written all the way through it like a stick of rock but unlike many of its contemporaries this song has worn well.
The band were one of those who were around but never at the forefront of things until this song which was almost omitted from the album that spawned it as Aztec Camera were trying to head off into a new direction which is ironic as this is the song that most people remember them for.
The song has everything from trumpets and piano to a great guitar and saxophone solo and is a real feel-good summery type song with a great music video which throws me back to the carefree summers of yesteryear and is inexplicably linked in my mind with the film Beetlejuice in a memory of driving to the cinema on a blazing summers day with friends and us all singing along with the song on the radio.

Ace of Spades - Motörhead

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 12 we have Ace Of Spades by Motörhead (1980).

Someone once said that "This song has an intro which wouldn't be out of place ushering in the end of the world' which for a metal band is about as big a compliment as you could get.
It's starts off with Lemmy's bass intro and then doesn't let you go as he gruffs and snarls his way through several gambling cliche heavy verses before the guitar solo hits you and then the sudden hit-the-brakes ending two minutes and 48 seconds later. 
Easily their biggest hit, Lemmy said that he was sick to death of playing it but even that was no excuse for the awful, slow downed version they recorded for a Kronenbourg 1664 advert which had the wailing guitar replaced with a harmonica although it probably paid for the bathtub of what Lemmy was on because when you think of Lemmy and speed, it wasn't just the style of his bass playing.

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 13 we have Jar Of Hearts by Christini Perri (2011).

Men...Bah, who do you think you are? There were two versions of this song, the one with just the piano and another where they threw guitars and drums at it and elevated it from a good song to one of the best although they chose, in my opinion, the lesser simpler one. 
Who of us hasn't been in the same place as Christina and thought, just like her majestic line, 'I wished i had missed the first time that we kissed', inspired lyric that one.
Another atmospheric builder and Perri's slightly husky voice is perfect for this break up song and this was her debut effort although i can't recall anything else from her since which is a shame as it left Adele a clear run on the piano based ballads front.
It's a beautiful, emotional, and slightly dark song and let it be a warning to you men, especially anyone who dates Ms Perri because mess with her and she will write a brilliant rock ballad about you.

California Dreamin' - The Mama's & Papa's

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 14 we have California Dreamin' by The Mama's & Papa's (1965).

I have had a sneaky admiration for the Mama's & Papa's ever since i saw a documentary which revealed them to be a bunch of drug addled sex maniacs which was very much not the image i had of them beforehand.
They always had good harmonies with the blend between the female and male voices just right and it comes together brilliantly on this song about longing for the warmth of Los Angeles during a cold winter in New York City.
The story behind this song was the Mama's & Papa's were the backing group for someone else who was going to sing this but then decided they could do it better and recorded it themselves and as they just went over the tape of the other guy, you can still hear him faintly in the background when they start singing the first line about all the leaves being brown.

Still Here Against The Odds

Despite the odds it looks as though i'm going to make it to the end of another day but when i look at the odds of death and injury from Liverpool Victoria Insurance, i'm quite impressed i'm still here at all. 
I woke up in bed this morning without injuring myself on the mattress or pillow (1:2000) and survived my shower (1:11,469) and even managed to successfully negotiate avoiding emergency treatment after being injured by the jam jar (1:1000).
After not dying by a plunging elevator (1:10 million) i even managed to avoid being killed by a neighbours dog (1:18 million) to drive to work and arrive not dead (1:100) although the odds of dying in a train crash are better (1:500,000) so maybe i'll go by rail from now on just to be safe.
Thanking my lucky stars death by an accident at work (1:40,000) was not an issue and i didn't die in a terror attack (1:20 million) and despite a grey and stormy looking sky, lightning didn't get me (1:10 million), nor an asteroid (1:200,000), a falling aeroplane (1:250,000) or an extra large piece of hail braining me (1:734 million).
Although i am now home i'm still not safe as i still have to negotiate the sofa where i have odds of being killed by my own furniture of 1:20 million but at least i think i am safe of being killed of a shark (1:11 million) or a bear (1:2 million) and as i'm over 150 miles away from a nuclear facility, i like my odds of not going to meet my maker courtesy of a nuclear power accident (1:10 million).
Now all i have to do is safely negotiate the pillow and mattress again and hope that all this new fracking doesn't increase my odds of dying in earthquake (1:148,756) so i can do it all over again tomorrow.

Category 6 Hurricane Coming Soon

Currently the Saffir–Simpson scale for Hurricanes only go up to 5 but a combination of warmer oceans and more water in the atmosphere maybe they should consider adding a 6th Category to their scale.
When the scale was developed in 1971, Meteorologists never imagined that there would be a need for a category 6 storm, with winds that exceed 200 miles per hour but as there is 8% more water vapor circulating throughout the atmosphere now combined with warmer temperatures the potential for a catastrophic category 6 hurricane is growing.
The Saffir-Simpson scale sets the Category 5 at winds over 157 mph but this century we have seen nine hurricanes over 175 mph winds and Patricia in 2015 reached 215mph.    
The Australian Bureau of Meteorology had to add a new colour to the top of its scale as temperatures soared and in the age of global warming and extreme weather events we will need to rewrite the measures across the world as the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, found that it is 90% certain that heatwaves will increase further in length and severity, as will extreme high tides.
It is 66% likely that hurricanes and typhoon winds will get faster and that intense rain will increase, as will global droughts.
The climate scientists are turning up the volume of their warnings and Government action is needed to curb emissions to drown out the crazy and deadly mewling from the ignorant sceptics and other useful idiots of the fossil fuel interests.

Losing My Religion - REM

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 15 we have Losing My Religion by REM (1991).

Michael Stipe admitted that this song was life changing for him and his band and it made them superstars overnight and the video still sweeps up at any 'best video' countdowns on the music channels or the ones that still play music anyway.
Although it isn't actually about religion, the video is full of religious iconography which distracts you from the fact that nobody knows what the lyrics are about.
Along with the striking video, the mandolin is an inspired choice of instrument and it's high pitch sound is probably what raises this song above the average.
REM as a band seemed to have a brilliant couple of years with some great songs from two amazing albums in the early to mid 90's and then just go pfft and wander away but it had such a lasting impression on me that i had this song as my ringtone on my Nokia 3310 for ages.

Turning The World Vegetarian

As a vegetarian i know that i am on a sticky wicket but with 12 years left to save the Planet the time for being coy has gone so let's grab the bull by the horn, or rather grab the fork off meat eaters because we need to have a conversation about how eating meat is destroying the planet. 
The climate minister, Claire Perry, shied away when challenged on the habit of carnivores eating us all to destruction because they can get a bit cranky when told to eat less of the wildlife, all that red meat coursing through their system i guess.
Following the report that global warming will be beyond control in 12 years’ time came another major report pointing out that meat production is one of the biggest contributors to global warming through the use of water to the amount of agricultural land given over to grazing and feed crops to rainforest destruction for animal feed.
The Government cannot just ban meat and the carnivores don't seem perturbed by the eyeballs and scrapings off the abattoir floor in their sausages or the cancer caused by eating meat but the Government does have other means in its arsenal.
It could introduce a meat tax, making it so expensive that meat is removed from many dining tables or throwing money at artificial meat research or making vegetarian dishes cheaper but what certainly won't work its appealing to the better nature of meat eaters to cut down on their meat consumption because let's face it, they eat other living creatures so concern for others isn't big on their agenda.

Brexit Jargon Explained

For the past two years it has been difficult to avoid hearing all things Brexit but as we approach March things are going to shift up a few gears as the Brexit negotiations intensify but it can be hard to follow all the jargon so i have produced a guide of the most common phrases we will be bored to death by come March 31st 2019.

Article 50: The mechanism that allows a country to leave the EU.
Backstop: A customs plan to avoid a hard border between non-EU Northern Ireland and EU affiliated Ireland
Brexiteers: Those who voted for Brexit and want to break away from the EU completely.
Canada Style deal: No customs duty on EU exports to Canada or Canadian exports to the EU.
Canada Plus Plus Plus: An upgrade of the deal struck between the EU and Canada.
Chequers Deal: The cabinet deal seeking to keep the trade in goods flowing between by the UK and the EU.
Cliff edge: The UK falling out of the EU without a deal in place.
Common Rule Book: Aligning UK legislation on goods with EU standards and regulations.
Customs Union: The way no duties are paid on goods between EU states and how they all apply the same charge to non-EU imports.
Divorce bill: The amount the UK has to pay to settle it's bill with the European Union.
Hard Brexit: Leaving the EU and cutting all ties such as membership of the single market and the customs union
Remoaners: Those who voted to remain in the EU and deeply regret the 2016 referendum vote to leave the EU.
Single Market: The EU as one territory without internal borders or obstacles to free movement of goods and services.
Soft Brexit: Maintaining close ties with the EU and retain Single Market and Customs Union membership.
Transition deal: A bridging deal to smooth the transition between Brexit day in March 2019 and the start of a future trade agreement

Let's Stick Together - Bryan Ferry

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 16 we have Let's Stick Together by Bryan Ferry (1976).

Seems like every man and his dog has had a go at this song but the Bryan Ferry version is the one i reach for when i want a song about fidelity and wedding vows.
The Bass keeps the tune bouncing along and the short, sharp blasts from the saxophone with Ferry's silky vocals, it's a fun sort of song although kind of ironic that then girlfriend of Ferry, Jerry Hall, is in the music video and if Ferry was singing the song for her, it didn’t do the trick as she was soon to embark on her chief gold-digger tour and left him for Mick Jagger soon afterwards.

Could This Be The Week Theresa May Falls?

The imminent demise of Theresa May has been talked about ever since she took over from David Cameron in 2016 but she is still there ducking and diving but if she is going to fall then this week looks likely which is why it has been dubbed Theresa Hell Week. 
First up are the rumours that a further four members of her cabinet are preparing join the two already gone and quit if the Prime Minister tries to make a Brexit deal that is not to their liking but if Mrs may makes it to next Sunday with an Andrea Leadsom, Esther McVey, Penny Mordaunt and
Chris Grayling shaped hole in her cabinet then she can cope with that.
Secondly, and more troubling, is the Northern Irish Democratic Unionists, a party of just 10 MPs who are threatening to vote against the Government if they don’t get exactly what they want which is parity with the rest of the UK but which they won't get because of the border they share with EU remaining Republic of Ireland.
As Theresa May has a majority of 13 and there are as many as 40 of her own MP's not including the 10 DUP ready to vote against her, the Commons defeat resulting in a lack of confidence vote would either herald a bruising leadership challenge or usher in a snap election which would risk tipping the Tories out of office that would in all possibility put Jeremy Corbyn into Number 10.
The Labour Party have laid a trap that whatever deal Mrs May manages to come up with, it will not pass Labour’s 'six tests' because those tests were designed not to be passable so she can't rely on Labour votes saving her as the collapse of the government and a snap general election is exactly what Labour want.
This makes it very hard to see how Mrs May can strike any agreement with the EU for which there will be parliamentary approval as the opposition has no incentive to help her out and the Democratic Unionists are lining up alongside the Tory hard-Brexiters which makes the maths impossible for Theresa May to avoid a humiliating defeat regardless of what deal she brings back from Brussels this week.
In the background rumbles on the flat out lying over the Universal Credit system they are introducing so there may be some sympathy for Theresa May but then you remember the austerity, the cuts, the running down of the NHS, the Hostile Environment idea and the general awfulness of everything they have done and that their problems are self-inflicted and you think good, hope her week is as painful as everyone seems to think it will be.

We Could All Be Luddites Soon

People seem to have the impression that the Luddites were against technology but what they were actually fighting against was technology taking their jobs which as it turned out, they were right about as their jobs were taken by machinery.
Spin on 200 years and research by the cross-party Social Market Foundation (SMF) think*tank, found that a four-day working week could become commonplace in Britain as automation and artificial intelligence increase in the workplace.
In a brilliant bit of spin it is being put forward as a good thing as it will result in giving workers more leisure time and making for a better work-life balance.
Scott Corfe, the reports author said: 'If we manage this revolution properly, workers will get new choices, including whether to reduce their working week and having more leisure time'.
No mention of the days less wages though funnily enough unless companies are planning to pay employee's for the day they are not at work so enjoy more time away from work and enjoy your leisure time with that 20% pay cut.
If Ai and robotics can do the job of a person for one day, how long before companies decide they can do it for all five days and not have to pay a human at all, that's where this could be heading.

World Day Against the Death Penalty Day

On World Day Against the Death Penalty Day, i have never understood the hypocrisy of the state killing someone for killing someone because apart from being a show for other people
to hopefully act as a deterrent and satisfying a need for revenge, what does it do?
For the state to take a life as a punishment for taking a life doesn't seem a very civilised way of doing things but despite it being abolished in most continues, it still goes on and in 2017 there were 33 countries who dealt with their more unsavoury members of society by shooting, hanging, injecting or in some cases chopping their head of with a sword in the town centre.
Amnesty International have gathered together the statistics and the top state executor is China who refused to hand over the data but Amnesty consider the executed number is measured in the thousands.
The second highest state executor was Iran (507+) then Saudi Arabia (146), Iraq (125+), Pakistan (60+), Egypt (35+), Somalia (24+), USA(23) and Jordan (15). 
While 33 countries carried out executions in 2017, the Amnesty figure reflects a decline of use of the death penalty with 21 countries that did not carry out an execution despite not having abolished the death penalty.
It still means that that there are nearly five times as many countries not executing prisoners as those that still do and looking at the names of the countries on the list, some you are not surprised to see there while some you hope would be embarrassed to find themselves included with such company.

Memory - Elaine Paige

Of the millions of songs which have been recorded, only 30 songs can make it into The Lucy Museum of Musicians who deserve entry to Lucy's Museum of Musicians and at number 17 we have Memory by Elaine Paige (1981).

I have never seen the film Cats and i'm not one for show tunes generally but as i mentioned previously, i do love a song that starts quiet and grows and this is about as good as it gets for that. 
When the strings put in an appearance halfway through they catch you and then when they go up a notch with Elaine Paige's amazingly powerful voice, it's goose bumps up the spine time.
All that and Andrew Lloyd Webber's nostalgic lyrics about smiling at the old days and 'burnt out ends of smokey days' taken from a poem by T.S. Eliot, a beautiful song.