I was the first president to be born a citizen of the United States and married my own cousin (we were a very close family) but my story begins with the President who came before me, President Jackson, and the gift he received of a 1,400-pound wheel of cheese which fermented for more than a year while Jackson took out an advertisment in the paper to invite the whole country to help him eat his cheese.It was said that you could smell cheese from a half mile in every direction from the White House and once Cheese Day arrived, more than 10,000 patriotic citizens answered their call of duty and it took the crowd two hours to devour the enormous piece of cheese.
Jackson then handed the keys to the nation over to the incoming president, me, and he was glad to go because thanks to the 10,000 cheese eaters thoroughly grinding the stuff into the mansion's carpets, couches and tapestries, the White House stank for weeks.
Due to this i installed the very first bathtub in the White but different nations have different standards for what qualifies as a great leader.
The French quite like a president who cheats on his wife, the Russians prefer dictators and it seems that the American people like their Presidents to stink because the public lost their shit over this and i was attacked for regularly bathing by William Harrison in the next Genral Election.
The bad publicity of me actually not smelling like a pig worked as 78% of the voters chose Harrison so i left office after only one term but with my head held high, a magnificent set of sideburns and offensively squeaky clean.
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