Friday, 20 June 2014

Praying For England

Brazilian President, Dilma Rousseff, has asked the football loving Pope to stay neutral during the World Cup and not pray for Argentina.
Pope Francis has apparently agreed to keep the big guy out of it and will not be calling upon divine intervention but England has no such qualms about it and the Church of England have created a set of official prayers which asks God to grant it upon the England players that they might: 'run more clearly, pass more nearly and enjoy the game more dearly'. 
Seems a bit weak, why didn't we ask that he tweaked Luis Suarez's achilles tendon prior to kick off or that Pirlo's hamstrings tightened up in the warm up to the previous game. 
'For the next few weeks at least the passions and hearts of millions of men, women and children around the world will be focused on Brazil, where I’m pretty sure there will be lots of prayers being offered up throughout the tournament' explained the Bishop of Leeds, the Rt Rev Nick Baines, explaining it all comes down to which country has the best prayers.
Obviously the Spanish, Australian and Cameroonian prayers were rubbish because they are all out already but England are hanging in there and hoping that Italy do us a favour by beating Costa Rica and Uruguay.
Now is not the time for wishy washy prayers asking to run more nearly (whatever that means), we need action so its:

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Give us this day a Balotelli hat-trick against Costa Rica
And a groin strain for Luis Suarez,
Lead us out of the group stages,
And deliver us into the knockout round.
Amen.

PS. If you can give Adrian Chiles of the ITV commentary team the flu for the next three weeks it would be very much appreciated. Thankies.

5 comments:

Samuel Guevara said...

Now I understand why Spain was beaten as it was: there are a lot of atheists here (like me), in a country that centuries ago was guardian spirit of catholicism and hammer of heretics. God has been always very vengeful.

Keep Life Simple said...

Ha ha you funny lucy. Always talking about religious people causing harm. Christians asked for help you asked for harm to others (in a tongue n cheek way). Ha

Q

Lucy said...

We expected England to go out straight away and no amount of praying was going to change that Samuel, but Spain!!

It's all done in a very mocking way though q, they are serious about it.

Nog said...

I guess praying for victory in sport is better than praying for victory in war.

Lucy said...

Amen to that Nog